Dearest to his heart
by LadyFromPoland
Summary: Arthur's been a king for three years and he should finally find his queen. Princess Miranda seems to be a perfect candidate. However she and Merlin don't like each other. Miranda is afraid of the strong bond between two men. SLASH! More details inside.
1. Lady Miranda

**Author: LadyFromPoland**

**Disclaimer: I don't own "Merlin". It is a TV show which belongs to BBC.**

**Storyline: Arthur is a king almost for three years. Merlin is a Court Magician. Their friendship is very strong and beautiful. However Arthur should finally find his queen. Princess Miranda seems to be a perfect candidate. She's beautiful and charming but there's something about her that Merlin hates. The truth is that he loves his friend more than anything and he's simply jealous. The Lady is not fond of Merlin too. Actually she wants to destroy the bond between the king and the warlock. She'll do anything to become the queen of Camelot. And what does Arthur really feel? Find out!**

**Warning: SLASH  
**

**English is not my mother language.

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**It's the first chapter and as always I'm a bit nervous at the beginning of my new story. What can I say then? Well... I hope you'll enjoy! :)

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_**Dearest to his heart**_

**Chapter 1**

"**Lady Miranda"**

Arthur Pendragon was a king almost for three years. His reign was the time of changes. The magic was no longer banned in Camelot. Moreover, the king promoted his manservant. Now the dark haired boy was the Court Magician, who was meant to oversee the magic in the kingdom.

"You wanted to see me, Arthur," Merlin said, coming into king's chamber.

The fair haired man shook his head with disbelief. "Are you ever going to learn to knock, _Merlin_?" he couldn't help asking.

"Some things change, some don't, _Sire_." The warlock smiled in his adorable way. "You should get used to it after all this time." He came up to the window and looked through it. "But I doubt my ability to knock was the reason for calling me."

"You're right, Merlin. It wasn't the reason."

"So you missed me!" The younger man joked, turning around and facing the king. "I'm not your servant for three years now. That's the next thing that you should get used to. You need to remember that I've got now other duties and I just cannot spend every minute of my day with you."

"Merlin!" Arthur had to raise his voice. "I sometimes think that you try to hide something with that babbling."

The sorcerer kept silent. He knew that the blonde didn't really suspect anything but his heart's beating quickened anyway. Arthur couldn't know that all that jokes were his shield. Merlin had feelings for the king and the truth was that he was the one who missed him all the time.

"I wanted to talk with you about our tomorrow's guests," the blonde told his friend.

"Lady Miranda of Gwent with two knights and her handmaid," Merlin murmured a bit bitterly.

"The princess Miranda!" Arthur reminded him. "The daughter of king Ulric. You need to remember that."

"I do!" The warlock sighed. "I think that it's not a good idea," he added after a while.

"Merlin! Don't start this nonsense again!" The prince came closer to his friend.

"How many times have you seen her? Twice? When was the last time? Five years ago!" Merlin shook his head. "You don't know her! And still... You and king Ulric talked six months ago about your engagement with her."

"I'm not getting married tomorrow, Merlin. She's going to be my guest. We will get to know each other." Arthur tried to sound reasonably. "Besides the union with kingdom of Gwent can be very profitable."

"Arthur..." Merlin looked directly into his eyes. "I am not only your advisor... I am your friend and I need to ask you that question. Do you want to trade in your feelings for some union?"

The blonde turned his gaze away. "You, of all people, should understand me," he said.

Merlin's heart skipped a beat. He started to wonder if Arthur knew his secret.

"What do you mean?" the warlock asked weakly.

"You know that I used to love Gwen and you know how it ended up," Arthur said a bit too angrily.

"She married Lancelot who is now one of your best knights," Merlin admitted, feeling as relief filled his heart.

"You see! She broke my heart and that's all. If I marry Lady Miranda, at least the kingdom will get something." Arthur smiled sadly.

"But the world is not limited to Gwen," the dark haired boy reminded him shyly. "Maybe you should look around...? Merlin there's someone who will love you until the end of time?"

Arthur laughed lightly. "I'm looking around now and the only person that I can see is you," he said. "But you're not going to love me forever, are you?" he joked.

"Never!" The sorcerer had to use all his will not to scream _Are you so blind?_.

"I thought so..." the king mumbled. "You see that I can risk and meet with Lady Miranda. Believe me that if I find out that she's horrible, I will not marry her. Above all, she will have to be the great queen. I will not hurt my kingdom."

"What a relief..." Merlin smiled a bit. He had to. He didn't want Arthur to suspect anything.

"You see!" The blonde smirked. "That's all. Feel free to go. We'll meet later."

"Are you trying to get rid of me, _Sire_?" the younger man couldn't help asking.

"You're smarter than you look," Arthur said, winking. Then he clapped Merlin's shoulder. "Go, go..."

The sorcerer glanced at his king last time and then walked away from his chamber. He sometimes couldn't believe why he loved the prat so much. That was one of that moments.

oOoOo

Lady Miranda arrived at the gates of the castle at noon. The king couldn't greet her then so she met with Lady Morgana. The king's almost sister didn't prolong that meeting. The princess was soon led by one of Camelot's servant to the chamber prepared for her.

In the evening there was going to be an official feast. King Arthur was meant to greet Lady Miranda with all honours.

Everybody who was invited to the feast was already in the ball room. Everybody but the princess.

Merlin was a bit amused. He noted her first flaw. She was latecomer. He didn't think about the fact that when he'd been Arthur's servant, he had rarely been on time.

People already started talking when Lady Miranda came into the room. The warlock stopped smiling in amusement. She might have been late but she looked beautiful. Merlin had to admit it.

The princess had long, curly and red hair. She was slight but there was something in her moves what made the others shiver. Besides Lady Miranda was wearing rich green dress which matched her eyes.

"My Lady!" Arthur stood up and bowed in front of her.

When she came closer to take a seat by his side, the king nonchalantly kissed her hand.

"King Arthur." She also bowed. "It's such a pleasure to see you."

"I'm glad to see you too, my lady," he said, offering her a chair.

"I don't think it's not necessary to call me so officially, Arthur." The prince raised her right eyebrow. "You want me to feel comfortable here, don't you?"

"Of course."

Merlin bit his bottom lip. He hated the way Arthur smiled at her.

oOoOo

Lady Miranda sat on the edge of her bed. She looked pleased and her handmaid noticed it.

"It seems that you enjoyed your time, my lady," the girl said, adjusting pillows.

"I did, Kiara," the princess agreed, smirking mysteriously. "King Arthur is not only very handsome but he's also a good interlocutor."

Kiara giggled what amused her mistress.

"However I don't know what to think about Lady Morgana... She is quite mysterious. I'm not sure if she's always like this for people that she doesn't know well or if it's something else..." The red haired woman sighed. "Besides that Merlin..."

"A Court Magician?" the maid asked, looking up at the princess.

"Yes..."

"What's wrong with him, my lady?"

Miranda frowned. "The point is that I don't know. He is strange... I think I'll have to watch him."

"It's a good idea, princess Miranda," the girl said politely. "But now you should take some rest."

The woman looked at her servant. "You're so caring, Kiara. What would I do without you? I hope that I can always rely on you."

"Of course." The girl bowed respectfully.

"You may go now," Miranda said finally.

Kiara bowed last time and disappeared in her own little room.

oOoOo

Morgana woke up in the morning with strange feeling. She had a vision at night but now she didn't remember it. The woman was a bit afraid.

Her maidservant, Lizzie, brought breakfast to her and then went to wash some clothes. Morgana was glad. She liked Lizzie but she wasn't Gwen. Lady missed her previous maid. That's why she decided to visit Guinevere. Besides she wanted to talk with her about Lady Miranda. There was something that Morgana didn't like about the princess.

oOoOo

Gwen, as a wife of a knight, became someone important. However she couldn't get used to the new life. When no one was watching, she cleaned the house or do something like that.

She and Lancelot lived in a small house in Camelot. Gwen's husband had training sessions and the young woman felt lonely. Luckily it was going to end soon. Guinevere was pregnant.

"Morgana!" Gwen was pleased seeing the other woman. She hugged her former mistress and let her in. "You should visit me oftener," she said.

"I would tell you the same but I cannot. Just take a look at your huge belly." Morgana winked. "You need to be careful. I just can't wait to see your child. I promise to you that I'll be an amazing aunt."

Gwen laughed. "For sure." She smiled sweetly. "But something is telling me that you didn't come here to talk about relations between you and my child."

"That was the reason!" Morgana assured her. "At least one of the reasons," she added after a while.

"I knew it!" Gwen said, pleased. "Then what's the other reason?"

The king's sister glanced at the cup of tea and after a while she dared to look up at her friend. "Lady Miranda," she whispered.

Guinevere frowned. "What's wrong with her?" she asked curiously.

"I don't know but... I have a feeling. _That _feeling."

The women exchanged meaningful glances. Gwen swallowed hard.

oOoOo

King Arthur had an unofficial late breakfast with Court Magician. The dinner, of course, was reserved for Lady Miranda. It made the sorcerer angry.

"Luckily she's not bad," the blonde said out loud. "She even seems to be quite nice."

"Very," Merlin murmured. He couldn't believe that Arthur was so blind. For the warlock it was obvious that she was only using her female tricks. The terrible jealousy that he felt was not the reason of that accusations. Of course not.

"Miranda looks like a perfect queen. She is beautiful and charming," Arthur continued. "I haven't made up my mind yet. It's too early. However I think that it can work."

Merlin looked down at his sausage. He wanted to chop it to let go of his frustration. However king's presence stopped him.

"Before you make any decision you need to check her relations with other people," the dark haired man said eventually. "It's very important."

"Are you suggesting that she's rude?" the blonde asked him.

"I'm not suggesting anything, Arthur." Merlin sighed. "I think I need to go."

He stood up and before the king could say anything, he was no longer in the chamber. The warlock hid in the nearest empty room where he breathed in and out. He had to calm down.

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**So it was the first chapter. What do you think about it? Please, tell me!**


	2. The Idea

**Author: LadyFromPoland**

**Disclaimer: I don't own "Merlin". It is a TV show which belongs to BBC.**

**Warning: SLASH  
**

**English is not my mother language.

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**Thank you so much for the wonderful reviews that I got! It really made my week. Enjoy the second chapter!

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_**Dearest to his heart**_

**Chapter 2**

"**The ****Idea"**

It was a week since Lady Miranda had arrived to Camelot. The castle was no longer the same, though Arthur didn't seem to notice any changes. It, of course, annoyed Merlin very much.

"Hello, Merlin." Morgana visited the warlock in the afternoon. She didn't bother to knock. She knew that Merlin didn't really mind it.

"Hello..." he murmured. "What do I owe such a pleasure?"

The woman smirked. "A pleasure?" she asked, raising her eyebrow. "Are you sure it's a right word?"

Merlin didn't say anything.

"Anyway... I've come here to talk to you." Morgana crossed the room and took a seat in the most comfortable armchair.

"I think I have no choice," the warlock said, sitting on the edge of his bed. "Then what is it?"

The woman looked directly at him. "Lady Miranda," she almost whispered.

Merlin instinctively took his gaze away. "What about her?" she eventually asked.

Morgana noticed his confusion. She didn't ask him for any explanation because she knew the reason very well.

"You don't like her," the woman said to him.

The sorcerer shook his head. "That's a big word. Too big," he assured her.

"You don't need to pretend," Morgana said in her _lady _tone. "Believe me that I'm not fond of her too. I don't understand Arthur..."

"He's a prat," Merlin reminded her. He felt a bit better when he heard that he wasn't alone. "Do you want some wine? I've got here something delicious."

The witch smiled lightly. "Sure," she answered.

The man poured wine into two chalices and gave one of them to Morgana.

"Thank you," she murmured and drank everything in one gulp. She didn't care about good manners.

Merlin followed her and felt some kind of relief.

"More wine..." Morgana asked and the warlock agreed immediately.

After three chalices they were ready to continue their conversation.

"Arthur thinks she's flawless," Merlin mumbled.

"He's so wrong!" the sorceress said aloud. "He's wrong and blind."

The man didn't understand the double-meaning of word "blind". He didn't notice Morgana's meaningful glance.

"Lady Miranda seems to be beautiful but she's not perfect!" Merlin muttered. "I don't like her green eyes."

"Hey! I've got green eyes too!" Morgana protested.

"But your eyes are nice. Hers are annoying." He sighed. "Besides her nose! It's too pointy."

"Her sweet voice is irritating too," the woman added.

"Yes!" Merlin agreed.

They kept silent for a while.

"You've changed him," Morgana said suddenly. "Arthur has become a better man. Don't let Miranda ruin it now. She won't be a good queen and it will break that kingdom and him too."

"What can I do, Morgana?" he asked helplessly.

"You're two sides of the bloody coin, aren't you?" The witch's eyes twinkled. "You are friends. Talk to him!"

"Arthur spends his whole free time with Miranda," Merlin said angrily.

"Change that! Take him for a ride out of Camelot. Let him feel as Arthur, not like the king. I know you can do that." She smiled.

"A ride?" The sorcerer frowned.

"Yes! You two and the nature. Take him Merlin! Take him away from his duties... away from Miranda..."

The last argument convinced him.

"I can try," he said after a while.

"Great!" Morgana grinned. It was a rare thing.

"But will he agree? Won't he prefer to go for a ride with Miranda?" he asked sadly.

"He likes you," the woman assured him. "And I'll help you." She winked.

"What are you going to do?"

Morgana smirked. "It doesn't matter. All you have to do is to invite Arthur. Talk to him tomorrow. In the afternoon."

"Why afternoon?" The man frowned once again.

"Because I'll have to talk to him first," she answered.

oOoOo

The next day was beautiful. The sun was shining pleasantly, making the world warmer. Morgana hoped that the next day would be the same. However now she needed to face Arthur.

"The weather is so nice," she said as a greeting to the king. "It's almost perfect."

"Almost... it's not easy to please you," the blonde mumbled.

"Arthur, Arthur!" Morgana smiled charmingly. "It always can be better." Suddenly she sighed lightly but in the way that Arthur had to notice.

"Is something wrong?" he asked.

"Wrong?" The woman raised her eyebrows. "This is not the right word'."

"What's happening to you? Tell me," the blonde insisted.

"Well... it's not about me," Morgana said honestly. "It's Merlin."

"Merlin?" Arthur immediately got interested. He tried to hide it but it was hopeless.

"Haven't you noticed?" She used a disappointed tone on a purpose. "Merlin doesn't look well. He's paler than usual. I'm really worried."

The king thought a while. "You're probably right... But what can we do?"

"I think that he needs more sun and fresh air but he's so busy. And that's your fault by the way!" Morgana pointed at Arthur's chest.

"Mine? Why mine?"

"You're the king here," she reminded him. "You have to give poor Merlin a few hours off. He should spend some time with nature..."

"You think it will help him?" the man asked.

"Yes," she answered immediately.

Arthur remained silent for a while. "I'm not sure if he agrees," the blonde admitted. "But I'll think about it and maybe... well... we'll see."

Morgana smiled at him. "I think that you are a great friend," she said.

"What about the great king?" the man asked.

"I'm not sure yet," the woman admitted mysteriously. "Now I need to tell you _see you later _and come back to my duties."

"Your duties?" Arthur mocked. "You don't have any important duties."

"Everybody has some," she answered, turning on her heel.

oOoOo

Merlin took Morgana's advice to his heart and went to Arthur's chamber when the king had a while for himself. It was warlock's only chance.

"Hi, Arthur," Merlin said quietly. As usual he didn't bother to knock even once.

The blonde was resting in his favourite armchair. He had his eyes closed until the sorcerer spoke up. When he noticed his friend, he smiled lightly.

Merlin didn't hear any comment about his always forgetting about knocking and he thought that it was a good sign. The younger man used also his sweet smile. It usually made the things easier. This time was not an exception. Arthur didn't understand it himself but one smile from his friend made his heart melt.

"What is it, Merlin?" the fair haired man asked calmly. He was not angry at his friend, though the warlock had broken his moment of silence and rest.

"You work hard," Merlin admitted at the very beginning. "And I thought that maybe you would..." he hesitated.

"You're not a shy type, Merlin. You always say what you think. Just spit it out."

The blonde sounded serious so the younger man couldn't prolong it any longer.

"You see... I know that you're busy but maybe you would change your day schedule... for me?" The sorcerer looked at the king very carefully.

"What do you mean?" Arthur asked. "What do you want me to do?"

Merlin smiled timidly. "The weather is nice these days..." he said slowly, considering his every word. "I thought about a horse ride. And then I thought that you could go with me."

The fair haired man wanted to say at first that he had lots of work to do and that he couldn't. However then he recalled Morgana's words. The king glanced at the warlock and noticed how pale and unhealthy he looked. He couldn't let it develop. Arthur had his kingdom but he also had his friend. He was meant to care for the other man as well as for his legacy. He couldn't be a good king if he wasn't able to look after his friend.

"I'll understand if you say no," Merlin said. He tried to hide his sadness but the sparks in his eyes faded**.**

"Possibly I can do this," Arthur told him.

The warlock looked directly into his king's eyes. He was shocked but definitely content. "Tomorrow?" Merlin asked him.

"Even after the breakfast." The fair haired man couldn't help smiling when he saw Merlin's pure smile. Arthur knew that he had made a right decision.

"I'm not disturbing you any longer," the dark haired man said enthusiastically and quickly left the room.

The blonde wanted to tell him that he wasn't disturbing but after a while he thought that it was better that he hadn't done that. Arthur was already confused enough. He just knew that Merlin's good mood made him feel well too.

"Horse ride," the king mumbled to himself. It sounded very good. However something was telling him that the horse ride _with_ Merlin sounded much better.

oOoOo

"You're amazing, Morgana!" Merlin burst into her chamber without knocking.

The woman looked at him victoriously. She was truly proud of herself and she didn't even try to hide it.

"I suppose that Arthur said yes," she spoke quietly.

"I don't know what you've done but it worked." The warlock grinned. "Thank you!"

"That was only one of my female ways of convincing people, especially men, to do whatever I want without saying it openly. You'll learn it in time." Then Morgana winked at him.

"I'm not a woman! How can I learn it if it's one of female tricks?" Merlin asked.

"Of course you're not a woman. Although you have subtle facial features of a girl."

"Morgana!" The warlock groaned.

"Okay, okay... I was only kidding. When I said that you'll learn it in time, I didn't mean to offend you." The witch sighed lightly. "It was just a metaphor," she added in the end.

"I hope so," Merlin mumbled but smiled anyway. He couldn't be angry with her when she had helped him so much.

"Don't waste that trip," Morgana warned him. "You and Arthur need to enjoy it."

"I'll do my best," the man promised and said goodbye to her.

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**I hope you liked it. I know that it wasn't much but always something. Reviews?**


	3. The trip

**Author: LadyFromPoland**

**Disclaimer: I don't own "Merlin". It is a TV show which belongs to BBC.**

**Warning: SLASH  
**

**English is not my mother language.

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**First of all, I want to thank you for all your amazing reviews. They really keep me going. However, I'm not sure when I update the next chapter. It can last more than a week but I will do everything to give it to you before New Year. It's all caused by one-shot story that is in my mind and doesn't want to let go. It's going to be Merlin/Gwaine slash with light hint of Merlin/Arthur. I just realised that there's few M/G slash fics and that guys really deserve more attention.**

**Now read!

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_**Dearest to his heart**_

**Chapter 3**

"**The trip"**

Arthur didn't want to admit it but he was quite excited about the trip. It could be a nice moment of pleasurable rest.

When the king was running down the stairs to meet Merlin, Lady Miranda stopped him.

"Where are you going, my lord?" she asked him sweetly. "You're in such a rush. Has something happened?"

The blonde was a bit confused. His mind was already out of Camelot. "I'm going for a horse ride," he answered quickly.

"A ride!" Miranda sighed. "It sounds so nice. I'd love to..."

"I'm sorry, my lady, but I need to hurry up." Arthur glanced at her apologetically. "Merlin's already waiting for me." Then he ran downstairs.

The woman could not believe in what had just happened. Arthur went for a horse ride with a sorcerer and left her in the castle.

"Merlin..." Miranda hissed. She knew that it all was his fault. She couldn't understand why that boy, because he hardly looked like a man, had such an effect on the young king. They seemed to be very close and the princess didn't like it at all.

She decided to ask Kiara to get as many information about the Court Magician as she could. It could be useful in the battle of Arthur's attention and heart.

oOoOo

Merlin and Arthur were galloping through the forest. They felt the wind in their hair and the fresh, cold air in their lungs. It all felt so good.

"What's our destination?" the blonde asked his friend for the hundredth time.

"You'll see soon," Merlin promised him but didn't say any detail. "You won't regret."

Arthur shook his head with resignation. He had to trust Merlin's assessment as he usually did. He only hoped that the warlock didn't lie telling him that he was going to find out soon.

Suddenly Merlin stopped his horse. He had become a quite good rider as for such a naturally clumsy person. It, of course, had taken him much more time than it should have.

The younger man turned his head towards the blonde. "We're really close," he said, smiling. "I come there sometimes... when I just want to wonder... It's a very nice place and I thought that it was very egoistic to have it only for my own. That's why I want to share it with you."

"You're sometimes such a girl," Arthur mumbled but he was truly curious.

Merlin rolled his eyes but didn't say anything about _girl _thing. He got used to that insult from his friend's mouth.

"We need to leave horses here," the sorcerer told the blonde after a while and they both slid off the horses. Soon the animals were tied to the trees.

"Where are we going now?" Arthur asked, gazing around.

"Just follow me," Merlin said quite calmly. "Try to be silent. If you are, you'll see the true beauty of the place."

The blonde couldn't help rolling his eyes. "You are the clumsiest person the Camelot has ever known," he reminded the warlock. "Not me."

"Arthur..." the younger man hissed. "Come on."

The king listened to his friend and followed him quietly. The trees and bushes grew densely there. At night it could look scary but in daytime the light forced its way through the branches, creating a lovely effect.

Suddenly Merlin stopped and turned around to face his friend. "We're close to that place now," he whispered.

"Then what are you waiting for?" the fair haired man asked a bit curiously.

"For you." The sorcerer sighed. "You really need to be calm and quiet."

Arthur took a deep breath. "I am," he said finally.

Merlin smiled in his adorable way. "Then let's go." His moves became slower and more careful. It was so not like Merlin and the king was a bit impressed.

Abruptly Arthur noticed that there were less and less trees and bushes. He saw a light ahead them and he knew that they soon would step into a clearing or something like that.

The blonde wanted to tell Merlin once again that he was such a girl but then they reached their destination. All what Arthur could do was gazing around, admiring the beauty of that place. He saw a calm lake surrendered by large and old but absolutely beautiful willows. That place just didn't fit the whole forest. The wood was wild, green and totally ordinary. The landscape in front of two men was shining with millions shades of colours. Not only green but also blue, gold, red and much, much more. The wild flowers didn't seem wild at all. They were a part of the lake and the willows. Without them that place wouldn't have been the same.

"It's nice, isn't it?" Merlin asked, grinning stupidly. "I often come here when I need to think about something important or when I just need to relax."

Arthur came up to the lakeside and soaked his hand in the water. It was warmer than he'd been thinking. Warmer than it should have been.

"That place seems to be magical," the king finally said. "Have you had a hand in it, Merlin?" he asked.

"No." The warlock shook his head. "It looked exactly the same when I found it."

The fair haired man looked at his friend. "And how did you find it?"

Merlin smiled sheepishly. "I was just wondering. You know... I was a bit confused. I wondered about telling you about my gift. It was not easy to decide." He sighed lightly. "And then I came here and saw that calmness... It soothed my nerves and made me think that everything could end well."

"And it did," Arthur said quietly.

The sorcerer looked down. "Yes..." he mumbled, though he knew that there were things that just couldn't end in the way he dreamt. "Since that day I've been coming here," Merlin added after a while. "It helps me hoping that no matter what, there is always some light."

The blonde didn't say anything. He listened to his friend and watched that place. He understood Merlin's point of view.

"You're the only person that I've showed this place to," the warlock said suddenly. He somehow wanted the prat to feel special. He wanted the prat to understand how dear he was to his heart. Merlin was not brave enough to confess all the things he was hiding.

Arthur was truly surprised. Not about the fact but by the confession and the way his friend had admitted that. The thought of asking Merlin why he chose him crossed the young king's mind, but the blonde quickly decided not to ruin that moment.

There was a long silence between that two men. It was a bit mystical and it scared Arthur. He was used to Merlin's babbling, not to something like that.

"Come on," Arthur said abruptly.

The sorcerer looked at his king and saw as he started taking his shirt off.

"What are you doing?" Merlin asked, trying to ignore his stupid heart.

The fair haired man rolled his eyes. "As for such a great warlock you are quite dense. I am stripping down," he said very slowly and clearly.

"I can see that," the sorcerer murmured. "I just wonder what's the reason."

"I'm going to make a use of being here and take a bathe in the lake," Arthur informed his friend, smirking. "And you're going to follow me," he added after a while, seeing that Merlin didn't even stir.

The sorcerer was only able to stare at his king.

"Hurry up, Merlin!" Arthur called. He wore only his breeches now. "We don't have all day!"

Merlin was not sure what to do. The poor warlock was partly amazed and partly ashamed. When he didn't do and didn't say anything, the blonde came up to him and slowly pulled his shirt off. It felt very good to have Arthur so close, to feel king's touch and have his attention.

"Water is warm," the ruler of Camelot assured Merlin. "It'll be fine."

The sorcerer nodded slowly and eventually smiled. Then he finished stripping himself down to the breeches. He felt a light wind what made him shiver a little bit but it was still pleasurable.

"What are you waiting for?" Arthur asked. He was already in the water. "Come here."

Merlin rolled his eyes but eventually went into the water, smiling like a child who got his favourite toy.

"It's really nice," the warlock spoke when he stood by his king's side. The water reached to their waists already.

"I told you!" Arthur said in his royal, annoying manner. "Do as your king recommend and you won't regret."

Merlin laughed lightly. "Remember that coming here was my idea," he said.

"However I was merciful enough and I agreed. If I wasn't there, you wouldn't come into the water... you would be bored actually!"

"Prat," the dark haired man mumbled and splashed his friend.

"I am your king and you should show me some respect!" Arthur wanted it to sound threatening but it didn't. He decided to splash Merlin instead, what made the warlock giggle. "How dare you laugh at me? Do you now that I can sentence you to death?"

"You wouldn't dare! Who would protect your royal backside then?" Merlin teased.

"I would find some idiot," Arthur couldn't help saying it. "Not as big as you, of course."

The sorcerer nudged his friend and they started the true water fight. They didn't feel any more as king and advisor. They were like two little boys. They really felt like children.

It was incredible. All the worries were left behind in Camelot. The time seemed to stop for a while and it was perfect.

The innocent laughters filled the peaceful place but they somehow fitted there. They became a part of that small land as if they always belonged there.

After some time Merlin and Arthur went out of the water, wet and tired, but first of all happy. They lay down on a ground, breathing in and out. The sun was pleasantly warming up their bodies.

The men remained silent for a while. The words weren't necessary. They weren't able to express the things that had happened.

Arthur let himself close the eyes. He looked so beautiful with his wet hair and bare chest. Merlin just couldn't help staring. Some part of him told him that it wasn't fair, that the prat was his friend and he shouldn't have taken such advantages. However there was also a part that tried to convince the first one that he wasn't doing anything wrong. It was just staring after all. The warlock didn't hurt anybody by taking a look.

"Arthur?" Merlin finally spoke up. He thought that it was time to come back to Camelot and trouble; and Lady Miranda of course.

The blonde didn't even stir.

"Arthur?" the dark haired man repeated, frowning a little bit. Just then he realised that the king was breathing slowly and steadily. It could only mean that he was sleeping. As a confirmation, Merlin heard Arthur's light snoring.

It was not for sure the most beautiful sound all over the world. However the warlock found it cute and lovely.

Merlin watched the king very carefully. He couldn't believe that Arthur was sleeping right in front of him, half-naked and so calm. The sorcerer felt so well. He had never supposed that he would have seen the prat like that.

The dark haired man wanted to stay like this forever. However that dream was too selfish to come true. He couldn't have Arthur only for himself. The king had his destiny, was meant to unite all the lands of Albion. Merlin's doom was to watch over the prat. The warlock was the part of Arthur's destiny but it was not the part that he wished to be. He knew that his heart was too involved in the whole destiny stuff. The problem was that he couldn't separate these two things.

Merlin moved closer to his friend and shook his royal shoulder. "Arthur..." he said quietly, wanting to wake Arthur up but not in a harsh way.

The other man knitted his brows and in a few seconds he opened his eyes. Arthur was a little bit confused. It took his a while to realise where he was. Where they both were.

"Was I sleeping?" the blonde murmured.

Merlin nodded his head with disbelieving smile. "You were snoring so I suppose that it was sleeping."

"I do not snore!" Arthur said quite firmly. He was always sensitive to that case.

"Of course not," the sorcerer mocked. "Anyway... I think that it's time for us."

Arthur looked up at the sky. The sun was much lower than the last time he glanced at it.

"You're right," the king said, standing up slowly. He looked around, seeking his clothes. Then Merlin murmured a short spell and the clothes landed in hands of their owners.

"Useful," the blonde mumbled. "Thank you."

Merlin felt a familiar warmth in his heart. It always happened when Arthur was thanking or praising him. The warlock knew that it was childish but he couldn't change that. He was eager for every good word that he could hear from his friend's lips. It felt almost as if he was loved romantically.

The men found the way to their horses very quickly. They didn't waste time for anything and simply started their way back. Once again that day Merlin didn't want something to come to an end. He loved the carefree conversation with Arthur when they were riding. It recalled sorcerer of times when he was a simple servant, a boy who was slowly falling for his master. It was as much painful as beautiful. It took him years to fully understand the meaning of love, to let himself call the feeling that he had been hiding in his heart.

"It was a nice day," Arthur told Merlin when the stable boy took their horses. "I haven't been feeling so well for ages."

The sorcerer smiled proudly. "Glad I could help," he said.

Arthur looked carefully at his friend. "Me too."

That words sounded a bit strange in Merlin's opinion. He wasn't sure what Arthur meant. However he didn't have a chance to ask. The king was already out of his reach, in the claws of lady Miranda.

* * *

**Did you enjoy the chapter? I'm not really sure if it's good enough. Please, review!**


	4. The beginning

**Author: LadyFromPoland**

**Disclaimer: I don't own "Merlin". It is a TV show which belongs to BBC.**

**Warning: SLASH  
**

**English is not my mother language.

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**

**I'm aware that it took a while but I hope that it was worth waiting for. Although that chapter is not perfect, I'm quite proud of it. Enjoy! And the Happy New Year! :)

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**

_**Dearest to his heart**_

**Chapter 4**

"**The beginning"**

Lady Miranda took a seat in front of the mirror in her chamber. She looked at her own reflection and noticed the irritation and annoyance there. It didn't suit the noble lady so she got nervous even more.

"What's wrong, my lady?" Kiara went into the room and saw the state of her mistress. "You look disturbed."

"Disturbed?" The princess shook her head. "I'm irritated!"

Kiara didn't say anything. She felt that her mistress was willing to tell her some details.

"Merlin..." she hissed. "As I told you before, Arthur had gone for a horse ride with him and hadn't even thought about me. However you have no idea what happened when they finally came back. Arthur could only talk about that Merlin... it's frustrating! And ridiculous!"

"Calm down, my lady," the maid suggested. "You asked me to get some information about the Court Magician and I did."

Lady Miranda looked at her servant. "Go on," she encouraged the girl.

Kiara started brushing the princess's red locks. "First of all, Merlin used to be Arthur's manservant," the girl almost whispered.

"Really?" Miranda raised her eyebrows.

"Yes, my lady. He's become the Court Magician when Arthur took his place on the throne." The maid fell silent for a few seconds, recalling facts that she'd received. "Some people say that the king lifted the ban on magic because of Merlin," Kiara said smoothly. "I've heard that they both have been close for a very long time."

"So it's not going to be easy," the noble lady mumbled, sighing.

"What, my lady?" the maidservant asked curiously.

"Merlin and Arthur are too close..." the princess hissed through her teeth. "I need to destroy the bond that exists between them. Otherwise I will not fulfil my plans and I won't become a queen."

"I'm sorry, my lady, but I need to ask you." Kiara put the brush on the dressing table and looked carefully at her mistress. "Is that warlock really such a problem? What can he do?"

"He can do more than he knows," Miranda said quietly. "I've never seen such a strong bond between two males. That bond will always be an obstacle. Merlin will always be more important than me."

"I don't really understand... you can use your charm to win Arthur's heart, my lady. It shouldn't be difficult."

Miranda smiled. "I can seduce him but my charm will be weaker and weaker with every day. My only chance to become a queen of Camelot is to get rid of Merlin." Her smile turned into smirk. "Once and ever."

oOoOo

It was an early evening but Merlin sat alone in his chamber, trying to read his first book of magic. Although he had used it many times, it still surprised him from time to time. Besides the man had some sort of sentiment for that book and even though now he had plenty of magic books, that was still his favourite one.

However this time looking through the pages couldn't be fruitful. The warlock's thoughts were focused on something else. He couldn't erase the images of Arthur and Miranda from that day. They both seemed to be very close and it pained Merlin more than he could say. Although he wasn't going to say it to anyone.

After some time he simply closed the book and watched the flames of candles. Each of them was somehow lonely. They weren't far away from one another but each of them had its own light and didn't really need the others. Merlin felt just like one of that candles. He was close to Arthur but still there was a distance between them. The warlock started to feel it since the day when Miranda had arrived at Camelot. She made Merlin feel lonely because she took Arthur away from him. The trip that he and the king had was unforgettable but it was just a trip, a few hours. Miranda could spend with the king every free minute of his time.

Merlin had promised to himself once that he would have never cried because of Arthur. However once again he was close to break that promise, which now seemed to be an empty phrase.

Suddenly someone knocked on the door of his chambers. For a few precious seconds the warlock thought that it was Arthur. He hoped that his friend wanted to spend some time with him and him only. He really missed the evenings when they both could sit in comfortable silence, laughing from time to time because of a joke that one of them said. The joke that wouldn't have been so funny if it was said by someone else.

"Come in," Merlin said as quietly as he managed.

The door was open and he saw a young maid. He recognized her as Lady Miranda's servant.

The girl bowed lightly and then looked up at him. "I'm sorry for disturbing you but I have a message from my mistress, princess Miranda."

"I know who's your mistress," the man said. He noticed a slight confusion on her young face. She must have been surprised that he remembered her. "What's the message then?" Merlin asked after a while of silence.

The maid smiled shyly. "Princess Miranda wants to talk with you about your magic, sir," she said quickly.

"My magic?" He frowned.

"Yes, sir."

"Don't call me _sir_, please," Merlin told her. "I don't really like it. Besides I wasn't born a nobleman or someone like that."

"Of course," the girl agreed.

"Very well." The warlock straightened. "And could you tell me why Lady Miranda wants to talk about magic?"

"She's curious," Kiara answered. "I don't know any details. If you agree, you will able to ask her on your own."

Merlin wasn't sure what to think. There was something strange about it.

"When would your mistress like to talk?" he asked, deciding that he could risk one, small conversation with that lady.

"As soon as possible," the girl said quietly. "Princess Miranada suggested tomorrow's noon."

The sorcerer sighed inwardly. Miranda wanted to meet with him in time when Arthur was busy. At the next day's noon the king was supposed to attend the training with the knights. He couldn't train them himself since as the king he had much more duties, but at least once a two weeks he tried to watch over their trainings. Lancelot and Leon had taken charge and they took care of the knights but Arthur wanted to keep an eye on everything too. It, on the one hand, was very prattish, but on the other it was quite cute.

"Fine," Merlin said finally. "Did she suggest where that meeting should take place?"

"Yes. Princess Miranda thinks that your room has a magic atmosphere. She'd like to see you here, if you don't mind." The girl fell silent, waiting for man's answer.

"I don't mind," the warlock said after a few seconds of hesitation. Something was telling him that it was a mistake but his curiosity was stronger than common sense.

"I'll bring good news to my mistress," Kiara said smiling and bowed lightly.

Merlin couldn't see the smirk upon her face when she left his chamber.

oOoOo

Kiara helped her mistress prepare for the meeting with the Court Magician. The final effect was stunning. Lady Miranda was very pleased. She had to look perfect in front of Merlin. She wanted to see the sorrow and pain in his eyes. It was one of the first aims that she was going to receive in the nearest days.

The princess' hair was perfectly curly and glowing when she entered Merlin's chamber. Besides she was wearing one of her favourite dresses which made her look even more graceful and beautiful. Everything about her was in that moment in the perfect harmony.

"I'm sorry that my request was so sudden. I know that it can be a bit improperly but I just couldn't wait." Merlin had to admit that it sounded innocently. Too innocently.

"It's nothing, my lady," he assured her.

The princess smiled. "Please, call me Miranda. There's no need for the titles."

Merlin nodded politely. "Well, then... Please, take a seat."

They both sat in the comfortable armchairs. "What do you want to know?" he asked then.

"Anything." She gazed around. "I don't really know much about magic and it seems quite exciting. I was growing up in the kingdom where hardy anybody practised it. And I... I was always curious how it worked."

"You will not understand how it works if you don't have it. It's practically impossible," the sorcerer said candidly. "I tried to explain it hundreds of times to Arthur but he has never truly understood."

Miranda watched Merlin's face very carefully when he was talking about the king. He had the affection written on his face. It was more than obvious. She couldn't really believe that the whole Camelot didn't know about it.

"I see..." she said quietly. "Can you then show me a few tricks?" the lady asked. "If I cannot understand it technically then maybe I'll, at least, feel it."

"I can do that," Merlin agreed. He looked at the bookcase and then his eyes shone gold. A few magic books drifted in the air and landed on the table in front of them.

"Amazing," Miranda whispered. "Can I...?"

"Of course."

The princess opened the first of the books and started looking through its pages. "It all seems so complicated," she said. "That language... How can you even pronounce that words?"

"It's really difficult for someone who has no magic. However I was born with that gift. Before I had come to Camelot I hadn't known any spells. I just had my instinct. The magic was always a part of me. When I had got my first book of magic I just knew how to use it... how to read that strange words. I think that it's a part of my gift."

"It's hard to believe." Suddenly she sighed.

"Has something happened?" Merlin asked politely. He didn't like the princess at all but she was his guest. He couldn't be unsympathetic.

"I just wonder how difficult was your life when magic was banned here in Camelot." She closed the book. "I've heard that you were Arthur's manservant..."

"That's true," Merlin admitted. "I'm not trying to erase that part of my life. It was quite important." He made himself smile.

"You needed to serve a man whose father would have killed you if he had only found out about your powers. Weren't you afraid?" she asked.

"I would have been a fool if I wasn't," the warlock told her. "But I needed to protect Arthur. I don't want to sound arrogant but without my help Arthur wouldn't have survived."

"I can imagine," Miranda mumbled. "I can't believe that you've done so much for him. It's really brave to care so deeply for a man who would never care for you the same way."

Merlin swallowed hard. His heart quickened immediately. He looked up at Miranda with disbelief. He wasn't sure if she meant what he feared she did. It was impossible that she knew the truth. After all nobody had the foggiest idea about it. At least it was what Merlin hoped.

"What do you mean?" the sorcerer asked with a trembling voice. He just couldn't let go of that comment.

Miranda smiled at him and if Merlin didn't know better he would have thought that she sympathized with him. "Don't pretend..." she said. "I can see the way you look at him... I can see the sparks in your eyes when you talk about him."

Merlin looked down. He didn't want to watch the amusement in her eyes. She could play the role of a cute and caring princess in front of Arthur, but she couldn't fool him. "I don't really know what you're talking about," the man murmured, even though it was pointless. Miranda knew everything and now she could use that information to bully him. She was already doing that.

"You're such a poor man." The woman sighed lightly. "But self-denying is only going to make things worse. It must hurt... so much..."

The warlock had to use all strong will that he possessed to not put some terrible spell on Miranda. He knew too well that she had a fun of him but he didn't want give her the satisfaction by reacting in rash way.

The princess put gently her hand on Merlin's and continued. "You must have known that Arthur was going to marry a woman one day," she said smoothly. "He's a king and he needs to carry on a dynasty. It was always the point, wasn't it?"

That was enough for one visit. Merlin wasn't going to listen her sweet and caring, but most of all artificial, words of compassion. "Can you leave me?" he asked suddenly but it sounded more like an order, like a threat.

"Of course," the princess whispered. "I'm so sorry... I didn't mean to sadden you."

Merlin turned his gaze away. He didn't want to give her the satisfaction of seeing his broken face.

Miranda left the chamber quietly. She was highly satisfied. She did what she had planned. Everything went even better than she'd hoped.

"My lady?" Kiara looked at her mistress curiously.

The princess smirked evilly. "It was so simple," she said aloud. "Merlin is such a vulnerable man... I would pity him if I didn't want to get rid of him in the first place." Miranda looked through the window. She saw Arthur who was coming back to the castle. "He's going to be easy to break."

"Do you have more ideas, princess Miranda?" the girl asked her.

The noble lady turned around and smiled victoriously at her maid. "Of course. It was only the beginning."

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**I'm so excited! Please, let me know what you think. It's a bit angst but you need to get use to it. That's the way it has to be.**


	5. Vision

**Author: LadyFromPoland**

**Disclaimer: I don't own "Merlin". It is a TV show which belongs to BBC.**

**Warning: SLASH  
**

**English is not my mother language.

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**

**I'm going to have lots of exams, tests and quizzes in this month. I'll try to update every week but I cannot promise it. I'm sorry... Now enjoy new chapter!

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**

_**Dearest to his heart**_

**Chapter 5**

"**Vision"**

Morgana hadn't had a chance to talk with Merlin for a few days and it annoyed her a bit. She, of course, was a proud and elegant lady but it didn't mean that she couldn't have some typical girls' desires. News about her friends' trip was one of them.

It was a beautiful afternoon when the sorceress strolled through the castle's corridors. She was going to pay a visit to the Court Magician. It didn't have anything to do with magic. Morgana was simply curious and she was able to do much to hear the good news. The thought that the trip could have been a disaster didn't cross her mind even once. Her plan had been perfect after all. She knew too well that these boys were crazy about each other. They only needed more time to understand it completely. Especially Arthur.

The woman was very close to warlock's chambers, when the man appeared within her sight himself.

"Merlin!" she said, smiling. "I was just going to you."

The sorcerer looked at her and for a few seconds he didn't say anything. "Hello, Morgana," he finally murmured but it didn't really sound as Merlin's typical, cheerful _hello_.

"Has something happened?" Morgana asked him.

"No... why? Everything is just fine." The man looked away, suddenly finding ceiling very interesting.

"I was going to ask you about the trip..." the lady said carefully. "I hope you enjoyed it."

"The trip was fine," Merlin answered shortly, still avoiding eye contact with Morgana. There was something nervous in the way he was acting.

"Just fine? Won't you tell me any details? I thought that you and Arthur would have spent a really great time together." She hesitated. "I thought that you both missed it."

"It was just a trip, Morgana." Merlin smiled sadly. "I'm sorry but I need to hurry up. It was nice to see you."

Then he ran down the stairs. Morgana knew that he had just run away. She just wasn't sure from what. Merlin that she had known never behaved that way.

"Something terrible must have happened..." Morgana whispered to herself. She felt that it had happened after the trip. After all she'd seen Arthur and he seemed pleased.

The woman sighed heavily and decided to come back to her chambers. She had a lot of important things to think about. The corridor was not a perfect place for it.

oOoOo

Morgana was sitting lonely in her chamber, wondering. She couldn't find any rational reason which could explain Merlin's behaviour. Many other people would have just given up but it was Morgana and she felt responsible for Merlin and the kingdom. There was no way that she could just try to forget.

The woman thought that there was only one way to find out what was going on. She had to follow Merlin but not physically. Spying on him was pointless. Morgana had to go and talk with the people who could have seen or known something. The first person that crossed her mind was the king himself. Arthur might have been blind and even heartless sometimes but he could have noticed something by accident. It was possible that he hadn't even considered that _something _by important thing but it could be helpful for Morgana.

It was decided that she was going to Arthur. She didn't even care that it was quite late already. Fifteen minutes later the lady was knocking on king's door.

"Enter." She heard Arthur's tired voice.

"I need to talk to you," the woman said quickly before the king could react.

"Morgana?" He frowned a bit. "Can't it wait until tomorrow? Honestly... it's night already!"

The woman crossed her arms and looked at him defiantly. "If it could wait, I wouldn't be here now, would I?" she asked quite impolitely. "I can see that you're tired but I need to know something," she said more quietly this time.

"What's happened, then?" Arthur sighed lightly.

"Exactly." The lady raised her right eyebrow. "That's the question that I wanted to ask you. What's happened, Arthur?"

The man frowned. "I'm sorry, Morgana, but I don't get it... What are you talking about?"

"Have you seen Merlin recently?" she asked without further ado.

"Pardon?" The man couldn't hide his astonishment. "I have a feeling that we had a similar conversation not so very long ago," he said a bit harshly. "Besides you know very well about our trip!"

"Oh, yes! I'm just asking you what has happened there?" Morgana had to stop the urge to throw something heavy at her king.

"And what would have happened?" Arthur asked. "Everything was great..." His voice became calmer and softer when he started recalling that day. "Really great... but..." He glanced at Morgana. "What did you mean by _Have you seen Merlin recently_? Has something happened?"

Morgana couldn't act as a strong and cold woman any more. Not after seeing Arthur's light and loving smile. "I'm just trying to find out. I... I thought..." She shook her head. "I've seen Merlin today. Something was definitely wrong with him." She sighed. "I hoped that you would have said to me something helpful."

"Maybe he just had a bad day?" Arthur suggested hopefully.

"Maybe..." Morgana whispered, even though she knew that it was not true. "I'm sorry for interrupting you."

"That's nothing." The man smiled shyly. "You were just worried about Merlin. You're..." he hesitated. "You're quite close, aren't you?"

The witch wasn't sure but she felt that there was something nervous about that question.

"We both have magic," Morgana said eventually.

"Of course." Arthur nodded knowingly. "It explains a lot."

"Do you...?" Morgana laughed. She couldn't believe that Arthur was actually jealous. Luckily she didn't finish that embarrassing question. "Goodnight Arthur," she decided to say.

"Goodnight."

Morgana could swear that she noticed sorrow in king's eyes when he was closing the door. She couldn't help smiling. It was amusing that unwittingly he started to treat her as a rival. Her, who tried to help them.

oOoOo

Merlin was walking through the streets of Camelot. It was after midnight but he didn't care. The darkness, cold air and silence were everything that he needed in that moment. The man didn't want to think about anything but it was one of those dreams that would have never come true. There were too many things that had happened in last few days to forget about them even for a while. First of all his affection towards Arthur, which was supposed to be a secret until his very last day, had been known by Miranda. Merlin wasn't stupid. He knew that the lady couldn't tell the king anything. She had much more fun seeing Merlin's silent suffering.

The warlock started even considering the possibility of telling Arthur the truth himself but after a few seconds he realised how reckless it was. That single truth, in Merlin's opinion, could only break the rests of bond that they both shared. If the warlock had been lucky enough, Arthur would have just pretended that he hadn't known anything. That, however, could hurt Merlin deeper than fuss or banishment.

The man suddenly felt helpless. He could only stay and watch. He could wait for princess Miranda's next move, not really being able to do anything in defence.

"Perfect," Merlin mumbled.

He stopped in front of the castle and looked up at the window of Arthur's chamber. He would have recognised it at any time.

There was dark inside. The king was already sleeping in his large and comfortable bed. Merlin couldn't help sighing. He would have done much to share that bed with Arthur just for one night.

oOoOo

_The chamber was quite dark. Everything was a blur._

_Someone moved. It didn't look good. There was something desperate in the movement. Something desperate and fatal._

_The table rocked. It looked clearly. It was not a blur._

_The chalice fell down. The remnants of wine dropped on the stone floor._

_The drops looked like blood. Very much like blood._

Morgana opened her eyes. She was safe in her own bed. However she couldn't stop breathing hard. She couldn't calm down.

The witch felt that something terrible was going to happen. It was not just a bad dream. She, as a seer, was able to distinguish a nightmare from a vision. Morgana had seen many things while sleeping but she couldn't recall the day when she had such a strong feeling.

"Troubles," the woman whispered to herself. There was something foreboding in that one word. It made her shiver all over her body.

oOoOo

"Gwen..." Morgana hugged her friend carefully. She didn't want to bring any harm to the baby that the other woman was carrying.

After a while they both went inside Guinevere's house.

"Something has happened," the mother-to-be said, sitting on the comfortable chair.

Morgana smiled sadly. "You know me too well, Gwen." She sighed heavily.

"I do," the woman admitted. "Now tell me what it is."

The sorceress hesitated. "I shouldn't share this with you. You've got better things to think and worry about than my nightmares."

"You mean visions, right?" Gwen asked.

"I am afraid."

Guinevere looked seriously at her friend. "Now you need to tell me," she said firmly. "Uncertainty is far worse than truth."

"Is it?" Morgana asked. "Besides I don't really know what the truth is. That dream... the vision... it was strange." The woman shook her head. "I don't know what to think about it. I don't know who I saw... How can I help if I don't know that?"

"Tell me everything what you remember about the vision." Gwen was not willing to give up. She had a strong faith in Morgana's powers. "You have your gift for a reason, Morgana. If you saw something then it means that there's a chance."

The sorceress couldn't help smiling at Gwen. Although the dream seemed unreadable there was a reason why she had it. In the past there had been always the reasons. That was why Morgana decided to share it all with Gwen. She tried to do her best, describing every detail that she could recall.

"What do you think?" Morgana finally asked.

"I don't know," Guinevere admitted.

"You see..." The lady bit her lips.

"We need to wait..." Gwen whispered after a while. "Maybe in time the vision will be less blurry."

"What if it's not?" Morgana asked not only her friend but most of all herself. "Maybe..." The woman blinked a few times. "Maybe I'll see the signs? Here in Camelot?"

Gwen nodded encouragingly. "Who know what the future will bring."

oOoOo

Merlin looked way better when he was heading for the Council Room. He still was in pain and felt incomplete but the new day gave him a little strength and hope. After all Arthur wasn't Miranda's husband yet. There was still a huge chance that he would see a true face of the princess. Merlin understood that Arthur needed to marry but Miranda was the last person that deserved the title of Queen of Camelot. The sorcerer was sure that she would destroy everything what they had been building for years. Camelot with such queen would never be the place it was meant to be.

The man burst into the room, hoping that he wasn't late. Dealing with irritated Arthur was the last thing that he wanted to do in that moment.

Merlin looked around and felt a relief. Arthur didn't come yet. The thing that the warlock didn't notice was that there were only a few men in the room.

He came up to Sir Leon.

"I've been waiting for you," the knight said.

The dark haired man frowned. "What do you mean? I can't be late. Arthur hasn't come yet after all..."

"The king cancelled the council," Sir Leon informed him.

"Cancelled?" Merlin could not believe. "But why? He's ill or something?"

"The king does not have to say his reasons." The knight saw the warlock's confusion. He told him what he was meant to tell. However Merlin was also his friend and he couldn't leave him like this, without the answer.

"Come with me," Leon murmured and the other man nodded. They both left the Council Room.

"What's happened?" Merlin asked. There was such a worry and concern in his voice. The knight couldn't be passive. "Leon, I see that you know something."

The fair haired man looked directly at his friend. "Arthur didn't appear here because of Lady Miranda. I don't know any details."

Merlin looked away, nodding lightly. "I see..." he mumbled and couldn't stand it any more. He turned around and went away quickly.

"I'm sorry," Sir Leon said sadly. The warlock heard him but didn't look back. It pained too much.

* * *

**I can't believe that I do this to Merlin. Anyway... please, review!  
**


	6. In the shadow

**Author: LadyFromPoland**

**Disclaimer: I don't own "Merlin". It is a TV show which belongs to BBC.**

**Warning: SLASH  
**

**English is not my mother language.

* * *

**

**I need to say that I enjoyed writing this chapter very much. Well... writing Merthur fic is way better than learning, isn't it? Now you enjoy!**

**

* * *

**

_**Dearest to his heart**_

**Chapter 6**

"**In the shadow"**

Lizzie, Morgana's maidservant, went into her mistress' chambers to take some clothes and make laundry. She did it on every Friday at the same hour. However this time Morgana noticed that there was something wrong. The young girl moved nervously and avoided her mistress sight.

The lady didn't want to make a fuss about her behaviour because Morgana knew that if Lizzie had needed her help, she would have asked her. However when the maid stumbled, dropping all the laundry on the floor, and started crying, the noble woman wasn't going to pretend that nothing had happened.

"Lizzie?" the sorceress asked her servant. "What's wrong?"

The girl glanced at her mistress but didn't answer. She tried to pick the clothes off the floor but Morgana prevented her from doing so immediately.

"Lizzie... You know you can trust me."

"I do, my lady," the girl said weakly.

"Don't be afraid and tell me what's wrong." Morgana shouldn't have been doing that but she helped Lizzie to stand up and lead her to the armchair.

"You're too good to me, my lady," she whispered.

"Stop calling me _my lady_ when we're alone," the sorceress told her. "It makes me feel as if people were watching me and I really hate that feeling. Especially in my own bedroom."

Lizzie nodded politely, even though her mistress' request seemed to be odd.

"Now tell me everything." Morgana's voice was as soft as if she was talking to her own baby. The woman knew how to act around people.

"It was Lady Miranda," Lizzie said very quietly.

"What did she do?" Morgana asked quickly. It didn't even surprise her that the princess was responsible for her maid's strange behaviour. "Has she hurt you?"

The girl shook her head. "No... of course not..."

"Something must have happened," the sorceress insisted.

"I'm not sure if I should say it..." Lizzie was clearly disturbed and scared.

"You can tell me everything."

The maidservant smiled lightly. She couldn't believe that Morgana was so concerned. "The princess Miranda started saying Lucy about some decoration. She wanted to change the look of the corridors in the west wing." The girl sighed. "Lucy tried to tell her very politely that she could not give her the orders about decoration, that she couldn't just change them... Lady Miranda is a guest after all. She's not living here, she's not a queen..."

"Did Lucy tell her that reasons?" Morgana couldn't help asking.

"No... she's quite naïve but not so stupid." Lizzie sighed. "Lucy did her best to not irritate lady Miranda but it was hopeless. The princess started threatening her... I couldn't stay in the shadow and watch. Lucy needed some help..." The girl tried to explain relationally her own behaviour but it was simply inconsiderate to get involved.

"What did Miranda do?" Morgana asked. She could warn the girl a bit later.

"She... she looked at me so icily." Lizzie started trembling. "There was something in her eyes... something dangerous. I was so scared... I glanced at Lucy's face and it was so broken. She must have felt the same." The maidservant closed her eyes for a moment. "Then lady Miranda whispered that things would be different soon and that we should be more careful if we want to keep our jobs."

"I can't believed it!"

Lizzie opened her eyes and saw the sparks of hatred in her mistress' eyes. She knew that Morgana wouldn't have hurt her but she couldn't stop feeling a bit ill at ease.

"Don't worry, Lizzie," Morgana said suddenly. "You won't lose your job. You're my servant and she has no right to tell me that I can't keep you. Not now, not ever!" The lady straightened. "No matter what."

The young girl smiled timidly. "Thank you, my lady."

"Lizzie... I told you what I think about _my lady_," the sorceress reminded her.

"Of course." The maid's smile grew a bit. However after a few seconds it faded completely. "What if... what if she becomes queen?" Lizzie asked.

"I told you no matter what," Morgana said but her voice was no longer so firm.

"I didn't mean my job." The girl swallowed hard. "What will happen to Camelot when she marries king Arthur? It won't be the same place any more... I..." She hesitated. "I can't imagine her being my queen. I should probably keep it to myself since I'm just a servant but I don't want her to stay here."

Morgana watched her maidservant carefully. She had never thought that Lizzie was so bright. The girl could see the things that Arthur didn't notice. The sorceress started to be more and more worried about the kingdom.

"Let's hope she won't." Morgana forced herself to smile. "Miranda already acts as if she owned that place. It proves that she can't be a good queen. Besides she's so different from Arthur... he doesn't really care much if you are peasant or noble. He respects you for who you are. Not for who you were born."

Lizzie nodded quickly. "I know... the king gives commoners a chance to become knights." The girl blinked a few times. "He made Merlin his advisor."

"Merlin..." Morgana repeated her friend's name. "I think he's the only one who can show a true face of princess Miranda to Arthur."

"Will he do it?" Lizzie's face lit up with hope.

"I have no idea... First of all he must believe in himself." The lady sighed. "Now I must go for a while," she said abruptly. "You can finish what you've started." Morgana took a look at the laundry and left baffled girl alone.

oOoOo

Morgana was heading directly towards Merlin's chamber. She was ready to talk with him as long as it was necessary. He had to finally understand that he could convince Arthur to do almost anything. Someone had to tell the king that making Miranda his queen would be a disaster and Morgana was pretty sure that the man wouldn't listen to her.

Abruptly the sorceress heard some steps. She didn't know why but she hid in the shadow. Something was just telling her that it was a good idea.

After a few seconds she heard a bitter-sweet voice that she recognised very easily.

"Well, well, well..." Miranda said to someone. "Hello, Merlin. Aren't you going to talk with me for a while?"

Morgana gasped silently. Merlin should have avoided that woman.

"No, I'm not," the warlock answered shortly.

"I'm afraid but you have to." The princess was clearly amused.

"You cannot make me," Merlin hissed and Morgana thought the same.

"Are you sure, my dear?" The woman laughed. "Since I know your dirty little secret you should be nicer to me."

The dark haired woman held her breath. Miranda once again started making a use of others' weakness. It was simply sick.

"What do you want?" Merlin asked after a few seconds of silence. His voice was tired and resigned. Morgana was sure that he was fed up with Miranda's games.

"I just want to ask you how are you feeling," the princess said innocently. "You are so pale... There was no council yesterday if I remember well. You should have used that spare time for sleeping. We don't want our Court Magician to be ill, do we?" She smiled arrogantly. "I spent that time fruitfully."

Merlin remained silently. Morgana couldn't see it but he was looking at Miranda's face with disgust. He was very close to the breaking point.

"Why aren't you saying anything?" the red haired woman asked, rasing defiantly her right eyebrow. "Is it my imagination or I really see a jealousy in your eyes?"

The man started shaking.

It couldn't end well so Morgana decided to get involved. "Is something wrong?" she asked, coming out of the shadow.

Miranda looked up at her and took a step back. "No, of course not," she said nonchalantly. "We just had with Merlin a little chat."

"I see," Morgana said, coming closer. "Have you possibly finished that _chat_?"

"Actually yes, we have." Miranda glanced at the warlock. "At least for today." Then she walked away gracefully.

Morgana waited as the princess' steps trailed away and then looked carefully at Merlin. The man was like a shadow. He looked dumbly at the wall in front of him.

"Oh, Merlin..." The sorceress couldn't help hugging him. "Don't listen to her. She hurts you because she fears you."

Merlin didn't even stir.

"Come on." The woman grabbed his arm. "We'll go to your chamber and ask some servant to prepare a hot bath for you," she told him. "It will make you feel better."

"I want to tipple," the man mumbled.

"I won't let you," Morgana assured him. "Merlin... it's not going to solve your problems." She sighed. "We need to talk seriously but not here. To your chambers... Now!" she ordered.

Merlin was only moving his legs. Morgana was the only one who led him to his own chambers. He really stopped thinking about humiliation. The only thing that he cared about was Miranda's words: _I spent that time fruitfully._"

oOoOo

Merlin lay down on his bed. He didn't want a bath or anything else and Morgana respected his decision. Their conversation could wait one day.

The woman covered the man with a blanket and stroked his forehead. She started feeling as his mother but it wasn't so bad. Merlin probably needed his mother now as much as he needed Arthur. However Hunith was quite away from Camelot and she couldn't support her son. Morgana had to be enough for poor Merlin for that evening.

The warlock murmured something about wine but Morgana was stubborn. She wasn't going to let him get drunk now. It was pointless. The witch decided to stay with Merlin as long as he was awake. She knew that if she wasn't there he would have already flicked with his fingers to get as much alcohol as could let him forget.

"Sleep..." Morgana whispered softly. "Everything else can wait until morning."

Merlin was willing to listen. The bed was warm and comfortable. Lying there didn't seem to be a bad idea.

The sorcerer closed his eyes and after a while his breath became slow and steady. Morgana waited a while longer to make sure that he was really sleeping and then she left his chamber very quietly.

The woman was surprised seeing Arthur in front of Merlin's door.

"Morgana?" the king asked. "You..." He glanced at the door. "What are you...? Where's Merlin?"

"Merlin is sleeping in his bed," she answered. "Please, don't wake him up. He had a hard day."

"I suppose so," Arthur said bitterly.

Morgana looked carefully at him. He was hiding behind his mask of arrogance but she noticed a pain in his blue eyes.

"It's not what it seems," the woman assured him. "You don't understand."

"Oh, I understand very well, Morgana." The blonde looked away. "I just don't know why you didn't tell me."

"Because there was nothing to tell," Morgana said immediately. "Merlin is just my friend. I care for him as if he was my brother... And he treats me like a sister too!"

"You don't need to explain anything," Arthur mumbled. "I just... you could just tell, okay? I would've understood."

Morgana had thought that jealous Arthur was amusing but now she was truly worried. It went way too far. The king shouldn't have seen her leaving Merlin's chambers at such a late hour. His sick suspicions would lead to marriage with Miranda and consequently to two broken hearts and one broken kingdom.

"Arthur, please, listen to me." The dark haired woman wasn't going to give up so easily. "Me and Merlin aren't lovers. We never were and never will be."

The king shrugged. "You can be whoever you like," he said harshly. "I don't care."

"Yes you do, Arthur," Morgana couldn't help saying.

"Good night," he murmured, pretending that he didn't hear her words, and walked away.

oOoOo

"Kiara!" Miranda called her maidservant and the girl appeared by her side almost immediately.

"Yes, my lady?" she asked politely.

"We have a problem," the princess said bitterly.

"What's happened?" Kiara asked, feeling that it had something to do with Merlin and the throne of Camelot.

"Lady Morgana is at Merlin's side," Miranda explained to her maid. "She feels that something is wrong. I've seen it in her eyes today."

"She's close to king Arthur..." Kiara murmured.

"Exactly."

"Will she tell the king something, my lady?" The girl looked really disturbed.

"I doubt he would listen to her," the princess said candidly.

"What's the problem then?" Kiara was really confused.

"The problem is that Morgana knows very well how Merlin and Arthur care for each other. Alone they would never find out about the true nature of their feelings. However she supports them and with her help..." Miranda shook her head. She didn't even want to think about that possibility.

"Then what are you going to do, my lady?" the girl questioned. "I don't suppose that you're going to sit and watch how Merlin takes away the place that should belong to you."

"You're right, Kiara." The princess smirked. "I need to hurry up... quicken some things. I need to be faster than Morgana. She's worried about Merlin and Arthur so she acts slowly and warily."

"Sentiments make her weak and careful." Kiara started to understand her mistress' plan.

"Yes." Miranda smiled dreamily. "If I have a little _chats _with our dear Merlin everyday and if I use all my charm to tell Arthur about all the advantages of our kingdoms' union, then Morgana will be helpless. I also need to keep Arthur away from Merlin. I'm afraid that if that boy smiles at his king as a lovesick girl and tells him about some trip, my female tricks will not work. When they talk, Arthur can't see the rest of the world. He's all Merlin's," she said angrily. "It's rare but dangerous."

"My lady?" Kiara asked.

"Yes?"

"What if Merlin is stronger than he seems? What if he stays by Arthur side even after the marriage?" The girl hesitated. "You won't change king's feelings, my lady. He will still care for the sorcerer."

"Merlin won't be by Arthur's side," Miranda said firmly. "Even if he's stronger than I think, there's no way he will bear everything that I prepare for him."

"Are you sure, my lady?" the girl asked.

"Yes, Kiara. You know... when you find someone's greatest weakness and you know exactly how to turn it against him, then you don't need to worry." The princess smirked once again. "Merlin is going to crave for death."

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**And what do you think? Please, tell me!**


	7. Built on lies

**Author: LadyFromPoland**

**Disclaimer: I don't own "Merlin". It is a TV show which belongs to BBC.**

**Warning: SLASH  
**

**English is not my mother language.

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**This chapter a little bit late. Sorry! It can happen again but it's not only my fault. I hope you'll forgive me. :)**

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_**Dearest to his heart**_

**Chapter 7**

"**Built on lies"**

Arthur woke up before the dawn, after few hours of sleep, and couldn't fall asleep again. However lack of sleep wasn't as frustrating as the strange feeling somewhere deep inside him. It was telling him that he didn't like the idea of Merlin and Morgana ending up together. The king was aware that his confusion was childish. He, after all, was supposed to be happy that the girl, who he had known all his life, and the man, that he considered his best friend, founded their happiness. The things, however, weren't so easy. The feeling was strangely similar to sadness and it scared Arthur. Suddenly he wanted everything to come back to normal. He thought, what was very selfish, that he was going to lose Merlin. The warlock would never again be just his friend. The dark haired man would belong to Morgana in the first place. There was not going to be their typical chats until the late hours any more. Not that they were enjoying them recently.

The reason why he had wanted to go to Merlin the day before was because he really missed their jokes and conversations. Now he knew that he had to fill the gap. If his relations with Merlin was about to change, he wasn't going to show him that he would feel lonely because of that. Arthur had his royal pride. That thought reminded him of Miranda. The king enjoyed her companionship a lot but he hadn't wanted to rush the things. Now he thought that he would change his mind. Arthur wasn't sure if he really liked that idea but it gave him a fake sense of control over his life and a slightly bitter satisfaction.

The king tried very hard to convince himself that everything would eventually end well. He had faced so many dangers in his life so some obscure feelings weren't supposed to change anything. He still was going to be the same Arthur Pendragon who would do his best to rule fairly in his kingdom and to protect his subjects. The annoying confusion that he was feeling now was going to disappear soon. At least Arthur hoped so.

oOoOo

Morgana woke up quite early. She remembered that Merlin needed her, even though he didn't want to admit it. The sorceress feared that he would try to avoid her. She, however, wasn't going to let him. That was why she prepared herself quickly, not waiting for Lizzie, and went straight to Court Magician's chambers.

Her little fears faded away in the moment when she came into his friend's room. The boy, because he didn't look then like a man, was sleeping in his bed, murmuring something. At first Morgana thought that she woke him up by accident but when she came closer she understood her mistake. Merlin was whispering Arthur's name in such a way that it would have melted hearts of many adult men.

The woman sat on the edge of his bed and couldn't help crying. There were only a few tears but they were very honest.

"Oh, Merlin..." she whispered, wishing that Arthur could have seen him now. Then the king would have probably understood everything.

Morgana sighed. Life wasn't so easy.

Merlin woke up an hour later. He was astonished to see the sorceress but didn't ask her about it. He was probably aware of what was going to happen now.

"I know that you don't want to but we need to talk," she said softly.

The man looked down at the blanket.

"You can't escape it," Morgana assured him. "And you know that."

"What do you exactly want from me?" Merlin asked her suddenly.

Morgana smiled lightly. "I want you to believe in yourself. I want you to stop Arthur from making the greatest mistake of his life." She put her hand on Merlin's shoulder. "Arthur cannot marry Miranda. It will destroy everything what Camelot is destined to. With such queen the kingdom will never become the place that you and Arthur have been building."

"Morgana... If he wants to marry Miranda, he will. No matter what I say." Merlin's voice was trembling. He suffered more than he would ever admit.

"Arthur respects your words," the woman assured him. "Besides he does not really want to marry her. I'm afraid, however, Miranda will make him think that he wants."

"He likes her very much!" Merlin cried. "He spends most of his time with her! He forgot about me! He..." The warlock's voice broke. "He does not care for me any more."

"It's all Miranda's influence," Morgana said quietly. "He treats her special because she is the princess... a guest... And she uses his kindness."

Merlin shook his head. "No, you're wrong," he said.

"Miranda wants you to believe that," the sorceress assured him. "She knows how much Arthur cares for you. She knows that if you tell him not to marry her, he will not."

"Don't give me false hope, Morgana!" Merlin almost begged her.

"I don't," the woman said firmly. "Miranda treats you like a danger. She tries to break you because as a broken man you will not care any more."

"Maybe I don't want to care!" the warlock shouted angrily. "Maybe I'm fed up with my destiny and everything else?"

"You don't really think that." Morgana stood up slowly. "Think about what I've told you. Please..." Then she went out of the chamber.

Merlin buried his head in the pillow, pretending that there was no tears in his eyes. After all Arthur had once said to him that no man was worth them. The sorcerer wanted to believe it. He wanted it so much.

oOoOo

Arthur watched Camelot through the window, waiting for dinner. He tried not to think about anything but his people. However time after time he recalled Merlin. The king couldn't believe that so many things were connected with his friend. It was even a bit frightening.

"What are you thinking about?" He heard suddenly Miranda's voice.

The blonde turned around and looked at the beautiful woman in front of him. He made himself smile because he was not in a mood to do it naturally.

"You've come too early, Miranda," the king said. "The servants haven't brought the meals yet."

"It doesn't matter," the woman assured him. "Waiting for private dinner with you is a pleasure," she said sweetly.

"You're always so nice." Arthur took her by the arm and led her towards the chair.

"That's all me," Miranda answered, laughing lightly. "But we should leave compliments for another time. You look a bit disturbed."

"That's nothing." The king wasn't going to confide in the princess about his strange feelings. It would be simply awkward and improper. Besides he didn't want anybody to know about his hidden weaknesses.

"There must be something." Miranda didn't want to let go of the occasion. "Is it something about your kingdom?" she asked innocently.

"Yes." Arthur lied. "But you shouldn't bother about it."

"I should," the woman said firmly. "You might have not noticed it, but Camelot and her people are very dear to me." Her hand moved towards Arthur's. "That place is almost like my own home. I care for your kingdom as if I've grown here." She smiled charmingly. "Camelot is strong but it can be stronger. I'm not going to rush any things, we've got time after all, but maybe we should think more seriously about the union of our kingdoms?"

Arthur's heart quickened but not because of excitation or something similar. He looked at Miranda's beautiful face carefully and couldn't help thinking that something was wrong.

Knocking on the door prevented him from answering. Two servants came in and served them dinner. One of them stayed in the chamber to pour the chalices and Arthur was surprisingly glad. His conversation with Miranda became a light one. The serious topics weren't going to be touched when someone else was around.

The princess wasn't irritated at all. She liked that turn of events. It could make an impression that nothing really was rushed. Besides Arthur's light confusion was funny to watch.

When they finished and the servant left, taking the plates, Miranda came up to the window and started watching the city, pretending that she deeply cared for it.

"Camelot is beautiful," she whispered. "You've created a great place."

"That's not only my merit. The former kings... my friends and people... We all did it," he said, feeling that it was true.

"You're modest." Miranda sighed and turned lightly to look at his face. "Camelot has been a powerful kingdom for years but it became truly great in time of your reign. It's not only a power... These people... they respect you and love without fear. This is something what many kings wanted to achieve but only a few succeed."

Arthur felt a bit shamefaced. Miranda knew how to pull the strings to make him keen on something what normally he wouldn't have wanted.

"You mentioned the union of our kingdoms..." the blonde said suddenly.

"I did," the princess agreed, hiding her smirk.

"I believe that your father wants us to get married." Arthur didn't look at her. There was something what didn't let him. "But as you said... we don't have to rush any things. Marriage is an important decision. I cannot make it on the spot," he explained. "I'm sure you'd like to hear my declaration but I can't give it to you. Not now..."

Miranda was irritated. It was supposed to end in the other way. However she hid her true feelings perfectly. "I understand," she lied smoothly. The woman touched king's arm tenderly and smiled at him. "People need to get used to that possibility. We need it too..."

Arthur nodded. "Exactly."

"But please, remember one thing," she said softly.

"What is it?" the king asked.

The woman stood on her toes and whispered into his ear, "I'm always here for you." Then she moved slightly and stole a soft kiss from his lips.

Arthur was too astonished to do anything. He could just stare at her and feel confused.

oOoOo

"You kissed him, my lady!" Kiara was very excited. "Finally!"

"It was a simple kiss. Nothing dirty," Miranda said with a light amusement. "I didn't want to scare him off. Arthur needs to get used to it."

The maidservant couldn't help giggling.

"Now you need to make me look stunning," the princess told the girl.

"Another meeting with the king?" Kiara asked curiously.

"No," Miranda answered, smirking. "I'm going to share good news with our dear Merlin." She looked at her reflection in the mirror, waiting for the touch of hairbrush. When Kiara started doing her hair, she continued. "A little torture... I love seeing the pain in his eyes."

"He dared to occupy king Arthur's heart which should belong to you," the maid said suddenly.

The princess chuckled. "And that's indeed a crime."

oOoOo

Miranda came into Merlin's room as if it was her own chamber. She didn't knock or give him any other warning.

The sorcerer looked up from his book. His eyes went wide when he saw who paid him a visit. "Get out," he hissed. "I don't have time."

"That wasn't too nice," Miranda said, coming closer. "I'm your guest and you'll treat me as one."

"You don't behave as a guest," Merlin murmured bitterly. "I'm not going to pretend that you are one. Just tell me what you want and leave me at peace. "

The princess laughed. "You're quite sweet when you're impatient," she said after a while. "And I thought that you are a patient type... At least according to Arthur."

Merlin was glaring at her angrily. He hated when she was playing with his feelings in such a cruel way. It pained even more when he thought that she would have something what he would never have.

"Are you going to say anything?" Miranda asked him. "I've heard that you are talkative." She smirked. "Unless you've already heard the news and it makes you speechless."

"What news?" the sorcerer couldn't help asking.

"Arthur is seriously considering our marriage," the woman said, trying to sound innocently. "I'm pretty sure that he's going to propose to me any time soon."

"You're wrong," Merlin hissed. "Arthur would've told me."

Miranda burst into laughter. "Honestly, Merlin!" she said when she finally calmed down. "When was the last time you and Arthur talk?" the princess asked. "And I mean _real _talk."

Blood started flowing faster in Merlin's veins. Once again the arrogant princess touched his soft spot.

"I thought so..." The woman shrugged lightly. "You're so weak."

"You've no idea about anything," the warlock snarled. "Everything was fine... great... And then you showed up! You know nothing about friendship and feelings. You..." His voice broke.

The princess watched Merlin's pale face for several seconds, examining its every inch. Then she continued torturing the man slowly. "Haven't you thought that maybe Arthur likes that turn of events?" she asked. "You know... We've kissed today. He was the one who initiated the kiss," she lied smoothly.

Merlin shook his head. "I don't want to listen!" he cried.

Miranda grabbed his trembling hand and looked him in the eye. "Maybe it's time for you to understand," the woman said bitterly. "Arthur craves for my company more than yours. He simply craves me." She lessened her grip. "I starts to wonder... maybe he never liked you," she whispered. "What if he had used you to gain power?"

"No, no, no!" The sorcerer started shivering. "You're lying!" He cried, not wanting to believe it. He had known Arthur for many years. The king was not like this.

However the seed of uncertainty was already planted. Miranda did her job for that day. Merlin was more and more confused and lost. Knowing that, the princess left his chamber. She let him _enjoy _the pain and loneliness.

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**I'm sorry again. I know it's more and more angst but that's really the way it has to be. Just blame my cruel imagination.**

**Now, if you have a while, write to me what you think! Please :)  
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	8. One good thing

**Author: LadyFromPoland**

**Disclaimer: I don't own "Merlin". It is a TV show which belongs to BBC.**

**Warning: SLASH  
**

**English is not my mother language.

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**I know that Miranda is cruel but you all need to be little more patient. Then, I hope, you won't regret.**

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_**Dearest to his heart**_

**Chapter 8**

"**One good thing"**

Merlin didn't sleep at all that night. He kept thinking about Miranda's terrible accusations and couldn't stop. The idea had already taken its root. The man heard princess' words in his head. Her voice had been silent at the very beginning but it grew louder and louder with every lonely minute.

The warlock remembered all those years that he had spent with Arthur. He remembered very well every ebb and flow. However no matter what had happened they still trusted and supported each other. Merlin felt that all the moments that they spent together couldn't be fake. Arthur just couldn't pretend. The blonde hadn't known about Merlin's powers quite long. He couldn't plan to use something of what he had no idea.

That thoughts were rational but Merlin had more and more doubts. Arthur hadn't called the warlock his best friend before he found out. It was the first time when Merlin thought about it this way and it quite frightened him. The fair haired man would have wanted his servant to believe that they were close. He could have even seduced the young boy.

"No! Stop!" Merlin shouted at himself. Arthur had no idea about his feelings. Besides seducing him on purpose was nonsense.

The sorcerer put his forehead on the cold floor. He needed to calm down. Otherwise he would go mad very soon. "Arthur needs my help," he whispered to himself. Merlin needed to strong for Arthur. The warlock didn't care for himself any longer but without him the king would have some troubles soon. Once again Merlin thought that his magic was the only link between him and Arthur.

The pain and hopelessness were strong. He had to fall in love with Arthur of all people. It was frustrating and unfair.

Merlin didn't think clearly when he climbed into the bed and slipped down his pants. In the next second he grabbed his penis and started stroking it fast. All his thoughts were focused on Arthur. He never let himself for crying his friend's name in time of such rare pleasures. He thought that it was unfair. Merlin's feelings for his friend were pure and deep. He always tried to chase the dirty thoughts about them away. However this time he yielded.

Merlin's golden rule was broken and he knew that he would regret it later. However there was no way back any more. His thoughts, dreams, hand and cock were linked in a sinful way. The warlock had already crossed the line.

oOoOo

Arthur woke up in the morning but had no intention of getting out of bed. The world outside his room suddenly seemed unfamiliar. He was going to forget for the next few minutes that he was a king. Camelot would cope without him for a longer while.

The man closed his eyes recalling the events of previous day. Miranda had kissed him. That memory still seemed a bit weird. The princess was a very beautiful and attractive woman but Arthur couldn't help thinking that he hadn't enjoy the kiss as much as he should have.

The king sighed. There was still one thing which haunted his mind. The idea of Merlin and Morgana didn't stop to irritate him. If Arthur had been brave enough to be honest with himself, he would have even admitted that he was angrier. The image of those two just didn't feel good for him.

Normally Arthur would talk with Merlin about his problems. However this time it was impossible. The blonde could not go to his friend and told him that he didn't want him and Morgana to be together. That idea was simply ridiculous. Arthur might have been sometimes selfish but not really so much.

The blonde could of course talk with Merlin about Miranda. However Arthur wasn't sure if he wanted to speak to the warlock at all, remembering about him and Morgana. The king tried to convince himself that he was hurt because Merlin hadn't told him about his lover. Arthur was good at pretending something when it was easier than facing the truth.

oOoOo

It was unexpected and awkward. After some time of avoiding one another, Merlin and Arthur bumped into each other in the corridor. The tension was barely bearable because there were only two of them.

"Merlin..." the king murmured, chasing away the images of him and Morgana from his mind. He wondered if the woman had told her lover that he knew.

"Hello, Arthur," the dark haired man replied, avoiding eye contact. He was afraid that if he had looked the blonde in the eye, he would have found there the confirmation of his fears. Merlin didn't want to know the truth. He didn't want to find out that there was no longer friendship between them and that now it all was about power.

The king noticed Merlin's confusion and something what was very similar to fear. He couldn't help thinking that the other man was afraid of him. Then Arthur thought that the warlock must have known that he knew. The blonde's heart ached with the realisation. Merlin still didn't trust him enough to touch this subject.

"Do you think seriously about Miranda?" the sorcerer asked suddenly. He was himself surprised that he dared.

"Of course." The answer left Arthur's lips immediately, even though it was only partially true. It was obvious that Merlin meant his marriage with Miranda. The truth was that Arthur thought about the princess seriously but still didn't considered her as his future wife. However he didn't want his friend to know that. He wanted the younger man to think that in his life there was also a woman. It gave him a temporary satisfaction.

"Fine," Merlin mumbled. It was a simple lie because nothing about Arthur and Miranda together seemed fine.

Arthur felt disappointed. Some part of him wanted Merlin to say that it was not a good idea. However the blonde quickly hushed that part up. "I need to go," he said abruptly. He felt a sudden urge to run away from Merlin as soon as possible.

"You're busy," the warlock murmured.

"Yes," Arthur answered, feeling horrible.

When the king walked away he started wondering how it happened that their long conversations became short and meaningless. He even wanted to turn around and run back to Merlin. He wanted the answers for all confusing questions. However that urge quickly faded away. Arthur thought that he had to get used to the new situation. Nothing was going to be the same again.

oOoOo

Morgana had the blurry nightmare again. She was quite frightened but not so much as the first time. The sorceress had felt that the dream could be repeated. Such visions never disappeared without a reason. Something very bad was going to happen and she wasn't sure how to stop it. The vision didn't give her any new sign. Everything was exactly the same.

The woman knew that she wouldn't fall asleep soon so she looked at the candle and lit it up with her magic. The light could give her some comfort and she needed it now very much.

Morgana got up slowly. She walked up to the window silently as if her steps could wake somebody up. Then she opened it and let the fresh air in.

The night was beautiful. Million stars were visible in the dark sky. They were like people while the moon looked like their king.

Morgana sighed. She turned her gaze away from the sky and looked over the Camelot. The city was silent. Everything seemed to be like always. Morgana was going to close the window and come back to her thoughts about the dream when she noticed something different. There was a light in Gwen's house. The witch was pretty sure that her friend and Lancelot always slept at that hou**r**. It seemed strange.

Suddenly realisation came to Morgana. Guinevere was in ninth month of pregnancy. She could be in labour at any time. It meant it could be exactly that moment.

The woman swallowed hard as excitation filled her heart. She knew that she wouldn't wait until the morning. She had to find out if her suspicions were right.

Morgana dressed herselfquickly and slipped away from the chamber. Her footsteps aborted silence of the castle. She hoped that none of the guards heard her. She didn't want to waste time for explaining her night stroll. It could end with escorting her to her chamber anyway. Men, especially guards, were sometimes so insensitive.

The sorceress went outside without any problem. The woman thought that she was lucky and was going to continue her walk when someone stood in front of her.

"Lady Morgana?" She heard familiar, male voice.

"Sir Leon..." the woman said innocently.

"I'm sorry but I need to ask... What are you doing outside the castle in the middle of the night, _my lady_?" The man watched her very carefully.

"Leon," Morgana started hesitantly. "Well... I suspect that my friend Gwen is giving a birth to her first child," she said candidly. "I know that you're a man and probably will not understand my reasons but I just need to see her now."

The knight sighed. "Women..." he mumbled. "If you really need to go to her house right now, I think I'll need to go with you."

"I'm capable of taking care of myself," Morgana assured him.

"I don't doubt it but I insist anyway," he said, making the woman roll her eyes. "I was going to talk with you, Morgana. It's a perfect occasion."

Leon's words interested the sorceress. She looked at him intently and after a while nodded. There was nothing to lost after all. She could be safe with him.

"Why were you going to talk with me?" Morgana asked, walking by his side. "What's happened?"

The man looked ahead. "I don't trust princess Miranda. Everything is different since she's arrived at Camelot," he said honestly. "I don't like it."

"I feel the same," the woman replied sadly.

Leon looked at her carefully. "I thought that you would," he admitted. "You seem worried."

"And I am," Morgana said slowly. "Arthur shouldn't marry Miranda. She's going to ruin everything." The woman sighed. "She has already started."

"Merlin..." Leon murmured.

Morgana thought that the knight saw the warlock somewhere so she looked around. However when she didn't see the dark haired man, she understood that Leon simply recalled Merlin's name. "So you've noticed..." the sorceress said, trying to hide astonishment.

"It was not so difficult," the man said. "I would even say that Merlin is quite obvious." He smiled lightly.

"Then you're much brighter than Arthur," Morgana told him. "I sometimes wonder how that man can rule the kingdom when he can't see such things in front of his nose."

Leon laughed silently. "He's a king, Morgana..." the knight warned her. "Besides we sometimes cannot notice the obvious things which are connected with us. It's quite common."

The sorceress was glad that it was dark all around because she flushed lightly. It would have been embarrassing if Leon had noticed.

"I think it's Lancelot's house," the knight broke the silence.

Morgana glanced at the building. "Yes," she confirmed. The light was still visible inside.

"I'll wait for you, Morgana," Leon told her.

"It can take a longer while," she warned him.

"I know." The man smiled. "It's also Lancelot's child. I'd like to find out if it's a boy."

Morgana returned the smile. There was something in Leon what impressed her. Then she walked up to the door and knocked. After a minute or two, Lancelot open it. He looked really tired.

"Morgana?" the dark haired man asked with disbelief. Then he noticed the knight. "Leon?"

"Gwen is in labour, isn't she?" the woman asked without any explanation.

Lancelot was too shocked to say anything so he just nodded and let them in.

oOoOo

Guinevere gave birth to a beautiful and healthy boy. Lancelot was proud of his wife and his son. Of course he would have loved a little girl too. There was no doubt about it. However the boy would protect his future sister and even become a knight one day.

Morgana was happy as well. For a while she forgot about Miranda and problems that she was causing.

The noble lady was escorted by sir Leon to her chamber, even though it was already morning. They didn't have much time for discussion about princess Miranda but Morgana promised the knight that they would talk about it soon. Finally she found a male ally.

"My lady!" Lizzie cried when Morgana entered the chamber. "I was so worried. I thought that something terrible has happened."

"I'm sorry," the lady said honestly. "I was with Gwen. She has a son."

Lizzie smiled at her mistress. "That's good news."

Morgana nodded. "Indeed." She was glad that finally something positive had happened. The sorceress was fed up with bad news.

The problems, however, didn't disappear. The tragedy from Morgana's dreams was still going to happen somewhere within castle walls.

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**I decided to write a chapter with some hope - the birth of new life and Morgana/Leon support. What do you think? Did it make the chapter less angst?**


	9. Storm

**Author: LadyFromPoland**

**Disclaimer: I don't own "Merlin". It is a TV show which belongs to BBC.**

**Warning: SLASH  
**

**English is not my mother language.

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**That chapter is not as long as previous ones but I hope it's worth reading. And one more thing... DO NOT KILL ME!**

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_**Dearest to his heart**_

**Chapter 9**

"**Storm"**

Merlin felt miserable but he agreed when Morgana asked him to go and visit Gwen. The woman hoped that the visit would cheer the warlock up. He needed it the most of all people.

The sorcerer looked down at the child in cradle. The little boy had dark, a bit curly hair and brown eyes which were glancing up at Merlin.

"He's awake," the warlock told Gwen. She and Morgana were sitting in the corner of the room, chatting.

The young mother stood up slowly. "And he's not crying?" she asked in disbelief. In a few seconds she and Morgana stood beside Merlin.

Guinevere took her son in her arms and examined him very carefully. The boy's eyes were clearly looking for Merlin. "I think Dominic likes you," Gwen said to the warlock.

Merlin seemed to be afraid of that idea. "I don't think so..." he said quietly. "He's just staring at me."

"And he's smiling," Morgana noticed. "There's a bond between you two."

Gwen nodded quickly. "Dominic is restless when he sees someone for the first time. Yet he's quiet and jolly now."

"He's not even one week old," the warlock said. "You cannot know him so well."

"Of course I can." Gwen was almost offended. "I'm his mother. I can feel when he's happy and when he's troubled."

Merlin did not answer. He thought about his own mother. He missed Hunith very much. It pained him that he couldn't be as close to her as Dominic was now to Guinevere.

"You should hold him," Gwen broke the silence.

The warlock thought that she was talking to Morgana. However after a few seconds he realised that both women were looking at him.

"No." Merlin shook his head. "You can't be serious... You know how clumsy I am. I don't want to hurt Dominic."

"You won't," Morgana assured him. "I know that you can be careful if you want."

Merlin wanted to protest once again but Gwen was already giving him the boy. "Don't be afraid," she said softly. "He's just a baby... You faced many dangerous creatures. I'm sure you can cope with my son."

Dominic was light and very lively. Merlin watched him in amazement. The boy was so young and he didn't know yet about the cruelty of the world. It seemed so unreal to the sorcerer.

Merlin smiled sadly. He hoped that Dominic would never feel the pain that he was feeling.

"You see..." Gwen said after several seconds or an hour. The warlock lost concept of time. "Nothing bad has happened."

The Court Magician wanted to believe that. Dominic seemed fine and it was the most important. However Merlin himself still felt horrible. He couldn't imagine his own future. It would be way too painful.

"You've got wonderful son, Gwen," the sorcerer said after a while. Then he gave it back to the woman.

Merlin thought that Dominic was too happy and cheerful. The warlock feared that if he had held the boy too long, he would have cursed his life. Perfectness and calmness were not the words that could describe Merlin's personal world. It would have been an unforgiven sin if he had passed his misfortune on to an innocent life.

Dominic was closing and opening his eyes steadily. The warlock knew that it was probably a normal thing but he couldn't help feeling terrified. There were love and trust in these eyes and it made Merlin feel that he missed something in his own life.

"I should go," he said shortly.

Morgana sighed. "Okay... Let's go then."

The sorcerer glanced at the noble woman. "You can stay," he told her. "I'm capable of finding the way to my chamber."

"Thank you for permission but I've come here with you and I'll leave that place with you too," she said. "And it has nothing to do with your skills, Merlin. I'm a noble lady and I shouldn't walk alone. What would people think?" she asked innocently.

"As if you cared," the man muttered. "You walk alone all the time and people know very well that it's the way you are."

"Well... Maybe just once I want to do things properly?" Morgana joked. "Let me just say goodbye to dear Dominic and we'll come back."

Merlin nodded, not wanting to waste time for words.

It took the sorceress a while to bid farewell to the little boy. In the end she promised him and Guinevere that she would pay them another visit soon.

When they were about to go out, Merlin looked at Dominic intently. "Bye," he said, waving his hand. The warlock was still highly astonished by the miracle of a new life, which could still do anything with his life. New life had white, unwritten card. He didn't have.

oOoOo

Arthur saw them. Morgana and Merlin were going towards castle. The woman's arm was rubbing against Merlin's. The king could not imagine such closeness. He didn't remember when Morgana had been so tender towards someone else. It suddenly became clear to him that she had always been so fond only of Merlin.

"Their affair must be strong. It obviously lasts long," Arthur murmured angrily to himself.

He felt a sudden urge to kick something or someone. Luckily there was no people around him. No one was supposed to see him so weak. What he felt in his own chamber had to stay inside its walls. It was the major rule that he had promised once not to break.

oOoOo

Miranda usually knew where and when she was supposed to be. However this time it was more her luck than some cunning plan. She was going to spend the early afternoon in castle's gardens, thinking about what she should say to Merlin next time. The princess loved that sweet opportunity of choice. It made her feel powerful.

The woman didn't notice the king in the corridor but he saw her immediately. Arthur didn't think too much about what he was about to do. He simply caught up with Miranda and held her hand.

"Arthur?" she asked, surprised.

The man did not say anything. The words suddenly seemed the thief of time. Arthur had only wanted to drown the strange feeling of regret and emptiness. He craved the silence.

Abruptly Arthur and Miranda were really, really close. The king closed the gap between their lips as soon as possible. He kissed the woman way too fast and hard to call it romantically. But Miranda didn't feel offended. It was exactly what she had wanted to gain. Arthur was desperate and it didn't matter what made him feel like this. Now the king was easy to manipulate.

"I shouldn't..." Arthur mumbled when they pulled apart. He wanted to take a step back but Miranda stopped him.

"No," she said. "It was amazing."

The blonde didn't need anything more. He pushed her lightly on the wall and kept on kissing. He was able to do anything to erase the images of Merlin and Morgana.

Miranda kissed him back passionately. She had noticed someone of whose presence Arthur had no idea. Merlin was watching them from the end of the corridor. The distance was quite large but the woman had no doubts that his face was broken. She thought that it was better that Arthur hadn't noticed his friend. If he had, he would have seen these feelings. Then Miranda's efforts could be lost.

oOoOo

It was almost like a delirium. Merlin didn't think about the sense of what he was doing. It was just happening. The man didn't know how but he had lots of paper in front of himself. It was probably the work of his magic but these powers were out of his control now.

Merlin only knew that he was drawing Arthur, Miranda and their kiss. He had never had a gift in such kind of art but now his works looked quite realistic. When the drawing was done, he simply tore it and burnt the scraps in the fireplace. Then he took another piece of paper and repeated the rite.

The sorcerer spent the whole afternoon this way. He knew that his actions were pointless and stupid but he couldn't help himself. Tearing these pictures apart let him erase the unwanted images from his mind for a short moment. However it was coming back every time. There was no escape but those few, precious seconds.

Miranda found him in that state. She didn't even pretend that she was surprised.

"Look at yourself now," she said with amusement. "The great sorcerer... the most powerful one... What a shame!"

"You're evil," the man whispered, really meaning these words. He hardly ever define people this way. He always tried to find good in them or just understand their reasons.

"It's a big word, Merlin," Miranda said quietly. "I've done nothing wrong. I just showed you the truth. Now you know how Arthur feels... Actually I did you a favour. You can be finally free. No dreams and hopes..."

"I've never hoped," the warlock murmured. "I've accepted the truth long before I met you. Arthur... I've known him so long. And he changed because of you... You must have done something! I don't want nothing more but an old Arthur." Merlin tore last piece of paper and threw it into flames. "I want my friend back," he whispered in the end.

The princess sighed. "You don't understand one thing, Merlin," she said smoothly. "Your _old Arthur _is gone. Actually _he _was a _lie_." She smirked lightly. "You lived that lie and it's time to face up to the truth."

"No!" Merlin shook his head. "It wasn't a lie! It couldn't be... just couldn't..."

"It's always hard to believe that the one we love doesn't care for us," Miranda whispered. "You fell in love with the wrong person. With a man!" She reminded him. "You should have known better."

"I didn't choose it..." the warlock said weakly. "It just happened."

"You must know that people consider such feelings wrong and unhealthy." The woman watched every broken inch of his face. It made her feel a winner.

"It just happened," Merlin repeated helplessly.

Miranda smirked widely because some cruel thought crossed her mind. She was going to make a little more fun of the man in front of her. "What if you could actually chose?" she asked innocently.

"What?" Merlin asked. He wasn't sure what she was up to.

"If you could change your feelings, would you do that?" The princess crossed her arms, waiting for the answer.

The sorcerer's bottom lip started trembling. "Leave me alone," he snarled.

"Then I guess you wouldn't," Miranda whispered. She glanced at Merlin with disgust and left the room quietly.

The warlock buried his head in hands. He knew that he looked piteously but it didn't matter. In his life there was no longer place for pride.

oOoOo

"The storm is coming," Lizie said, coming up to the window. "I hate storms."

Morgana looked at her maidservant. The girl was quite worried but rain and lightings couldn't be the only reason. There was a hidden message in Lizie's words. The message that the maid probably didn't understand. Morgana, however, felt the bitter and familiar alarm tingling.

"Me too," the sorceress agreed after a while. "We can never know what it brings."

Lizie turned around and smiled comfortingly at her mistress. "Don't worry," she said. "We're safe here, in the castle."

Morgana nodded, even though she wasn't really convinced. She felt that the evil lived within castle walls and that one of her name of Miranda. The storm was ruining the kingdom from the inside.

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**Once again: DO NOT KILL ME ;)**

**Please, review!  
**


	10. Out of reach

**Author: LadyFromPoland**

**Disclaimer: I don't own "Merlin". It is a TV show which belongs to BBC.**

**Warning: SLASH  
**

**English is not my mother language.

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**I'm quite proud of that chapter. I hope you'll enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing.**

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_**Dearest to his heart**_

**Chapter 10**

"**Out of reach"**

Merlin had to make himself go to the Council. He was not in the mood to see anybody but he also didn't have a choice. As the Court Magician he was supposed to be reliable. There was no way to avoid these important meetings if he wasn't dying.

This time the Council Room was full of people and Merlin liked it. He could hide somewhere between them and pretend that he was deeply interested in that day's subjects. It was even possible that Arthur wouldn't ask him about something personally. If the king had put his opinion aside in the past, Merlin would have felt offended. Now the warlock preferred not being noticed.

However Merlin was seen. Nevertheless by Sir Leon, not Arthur.

The knight walked up to the dark haired man and gave him a light smile. "Hello, Merlin," Leon said in a friendly way.

The sorcerer nodded his head. He didn't want to talk and hoped that Leon wouldn't be so demanding.

"You don't look good," the knight murmured so people around them couldn't hear it.

"Thanks," Merlin said sarcastically. It was his bad day. Actually his last weeks were full of such days.

When the warlock started to hope that Leon would let go, he spoke again. "I'm worried about you. You haven't been yourself recently."

"I'm fine," the sorcerer hissed.

"Merlin, I'm serious..." the knight said, looking ahead. The other man avoided eye contact anyway.

"Don't make a fuss over my person." Merlin tried to say it quietly but it sounded very much like a warning.

Leon wasn't afraid of his friend's words and he was ready to continue that conversation. However Arthur came into the Council Room and everybody fell silent. There was something weird in the way he walked with princess Miranda by his side. The lady wasn't supposed to take part in the Councils. Nevertheless she was there and then. She also looked more confident than usually what was quite annoying.

Merlin watched the whole scene in a slight terror. Although he had already seen them kissing, he still found such view surprising in a painful way.

"I'm glad to see you all here today," Arthur spoke up. "I've got something important to tell you." The king looked over the people and then continued. "You must be a bit surprised seeing princess Miranda here. Well... It's not a good place for such a lovely guest." He cleared his throat. "However her presence is necessary..."

Miranda found Merlin between the other members of the Council. She smirked at him in the way that only the warlock could recognise. She was giving him a sign that she had won and there was nothing Merlin could do to change that.

The sorcerer felt that he knew what Arthur was about to say. However he wasn't going to believe it until the very end.

"I'm happy to say that princess Miranda is not going to be just a gust any more." King looked at the woman and held her hand in the noble way. "We've decided to make our kingdoms stronger by our union. Tomorrow the whole Camelot is going to celebrate our engagement."

Leon looked at Merlin. The warlock tried to be brave and the knight could say that he did it quite well. He wanted to tell Merlin something to comfort him. After all the engagement wasn't the end of the world. There was still a chance to bring Arthur to reason.

The king, however, hadn't said all news yet. "Our marriage is going to be in a week." That statement sounded like a sentence for poor warlock.

People started applauding. Leon watched as Merlin made himself to clap his hands too. It was one of the saddest view that he had ever seen.

oOoOo

Leon stood in front of the doors to Lady Morgana's chamber. He took a deep breath and knocked.

After a while Lizzie opened the door. When she saw the guest she bowed lightly.

"Sir Leon," Morgana said, looking at the knight. "To what do I owe the pleasure?" she asked.

"I need to tell you an important thing about the kingdom," the man said quietly. Then he glanced at the maid.

Morgana understood that he didn't want the girl to hear what he was about to say. "Lizzie, go to the kitchen and bring us some fruit," the woman ordered. "You _don't_ need to hurry up."

The maid looked up at her mistress. Lady Morgana really wanted to talk with the knight in private. "Of course," Lizzie said and left the room.

The noble lady didn't want to waste time. "What happened, Leon?" she asked quickly.

"Arthur..." The knight straightened up.

"What about him?" Morgana became quite impatient.

"Today he told the Council that..." Leon cleared his throat. "Tomorrow we will be celebrating his and princess Miranda's engagement."

"What?" the woman ejaculated. "Is he mad?"

The knight didn't answer her question. "It's not everything," he said after a few seconds. "They're going to get married in a week."

This time Morgana didn't shout or something like that. She turned pale and Leon had to help her sit down.

"I can't believe that..." the woman whispered eventually. "I can't understand his rush. Something must have caused it."

"Or someone," Leon suggested. "I suppose that princess Miranda can be convincing."

Morgana looked at the man intently. "We need to stop that madness," she said. "I doubt that we can stop their engagement but we still have a week until the wedding."

"How are you going to do that? Arthur is not himself..." Leon pointed out.

"Merlin... he's our hope."

"But he's as dumb as the king," the knight said. "In that case, of course."

"I know..." Morgana frowned. "Merlin doesn't listen to me but maybe he would listen to you?" she asked.

"I really doubt it," Leon admitted. "But I can try."

The lady smiled lightly. "Do it."

She looked into his eyes. Then Leon took Morgana by her hands and unexpectedly kissed them, not breaking the eye contact. "The sooner I try the better," he said.

"That's true," Morgana said weakly.

In the moment when Lizzie came into the chamber, Leon let go of Morgana's hands. They both hoped that the girl hadn't noticed anything.

"I've brought the fruit," the maid said, putting a tray on the table. "In kitchen they said they are the freshest ones."

"I need to go," the knight said formally to Morgana, not caring about Lizzie's words. "I hope that I will bring you good news, my lady."

"So do I." Morgana couldn't help smiling at the man. "Good luck, Sir Leon."

When the man left the chamber, Lizzie decided to share the news with her mistress. "I've heard that king Arthur is getting marriage in a week," she said sadly. "I fear it... I fear princess Miranda."

"Sir Leon told me about it." Morgana came up to her maid and put her hand on girl's shoulder. "I promise you that I will do anything to stop Arthur. And it's not only me or you... There are more people who don't want her to be a queen."

oOoOo

Merlin was lying on the bed looking up at the ceiling. He didn't even bother to take his boots off.

When someone knocked on the door, the warlock didn't even stir. He didn't want to see anybody. Loneliness was his best companion.

Leon, however, supposed that Merlin wouldn't have told him to come in. The knight would have been even surprised, if the younger man had done such thing. Lack of permission couldn't stop him. He simply pushed the door and came into the room. Merlin hadn't even thought about locking the door with keys or his magic.

"You need to get yourself together," Leon said without any word of explanation. "And you need to do it now."

The sorcerer didn't answer. He even refused to take a look at the other man.

"We need to stop Arthur," the knight said firmly. "And your part in that affair is essential."

Merlin kept on pretending that he didn't hear Leon's words. He hoped that the knight would let go soon. The peace was all what he needed now.

"Merlin!" the fair haired man spoke up. "You can ignore me but you can't ignore the kingdom."

"I can," the warlock finally snarled.

"At least you've started to respond," Leon said. The relief was heard in his voice.

"You know what? I don't care what Arthur is going to do! He can... he can do whatever he wants. He wants to do something stupid? Go on! He has my blessing!"

Leon watched the other man intently. "You don't really mean that," he said silently. "The Merlin I know cares for Arthur and the kingdom. He wouldn't stay and watch. He would do something."

The sorcerer sat up immediately and looked at the knight icily. "That Merlin is dead," he whispered in a broken voice.

"You want to think so because it's easier," Leon said and left the chamber. There was nothing else he could do to help Merlin. The sorcerer had to clear things up on his own. Only this way he would save not only himself but also Arthur and Camelot.

oOoOo

Arthur couldn't fall asleep. Recently it had happened to him too often and the king was simply tired. This time, however, his troubles with sleep were quite understandable. After all the next day was the day of his engagement.

The man couldn't really understand himself. He was getting marriage in a week, even thought not so long before he had promised himself that he wouldn't have rushed any things. Now he was going to have a beautiful wife and queen. Their marriage would be profitable for Camelot. Everything was supposed to be perfect but some part of Arthur feared these changes. He had already seen how his present life and his life a few weeks before were different. It pained him more that he wanted to admit. This pain was so strong because his friendship with Merlin had suffered the most. Arthur wasn't even sure if he could still call it friendship. In these days they hardly spoke, while in the past he hadn't been able to live a single day without his magical friend.

The king wanted to blame Morgana. She had claimed the sorcerer not leaving Arthur a chance to fight. The king had to come to terms with the failure. He could not compare with woman's charm. Their friendship had taken the second place and then kept on collapsing.

Arthur tried to recall the last time when he and Merlin were like true friends. The first thing that came to his mind was their trip. It seemed to be silly but Arthur couldn't help thinking about it. He still remembered the warmth of water and sand. He still remembered the joy in Merlin's eyes. Now Arthur knew that he was going to keep that memory in his heart forever. After all it was the last memory of his former life.

The king wanted to think about the future more than about the past but it was incredibly difficult. He missed Merlin's advice and even his annoying babbling. Arthur could not believe that he hadn't informed the warlock about his engagement and marriage before he told the Council. He used to ask Merlin about his opinion first. It had always felt normal and familiar. Arthur had seen how the warlock was happy to speak his mind. Merlin had felt important then and Arthur wanted him to feel like that. Their friendship had never been typical but the blonde used to like to consider it as one of the best thing that had happened in his life. In fact it was the most important but Arthur had never been brave enough to admit it.

Suddenly the king felt that at night before his engagement he was supposed to think about his future fiancée instead of the friendship that used to be strong. However it was easier to realise than to do actually.

In the middle of the night he thought that he knew the reason of his sleep troubles. He started to believe that his conscience made him feel guilty. Arthur was used to share every idea with Merlin and when he had stopped, his organism started to rise.

The man was close to forget about his pride, go to Merlin and beg him to become a part of his life again. Of course Arthur was a king and he couldn't let himself for such a weakness. However he could dream about the world where he would show his weaknesses.

The childish and selfish idea crossed king's mind. He thought about taking Merlin away from his chamber and bringing him to his own. Arthur would hide the warlock in the wardrobe or under his bed and have him only for himself. The blonde knew that if Merlin had been close, he wouldn't have any sleep troubles and everything would be just fine. Having the friend for his own seemed so tempting but was absolutely out of Arthur's reach.

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**I'm cruel leaving you here, aren't I? You just need to get ready for some angst events but don't forget about hope.**

**Please, review!  
**


	11. Red Wine

**Author: LadyFromPoland**

**Disclaimer: I don't own "Merlin". It is a TV show which belongs to BBC.**

**Warning: SLASH  
**

**English is not my mother language.

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**I'm sorry that I didn't update last week. We just discovered that our dog had two major diseases (something with lungs and his kidneys stopped working). We tried to save him but he died on Wednesday anyway. I just couldn't write then. It didn't feel right.  
Well... At least now I'm giving you a longer chapter.**

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_**Dearest to his heart**_

**Chapter 11**

"**Red Wine"**

Arthur woke up much later than he was supposed to. Nevertheless he felt the lack of sleep. The truth was that he had fallen asleep just before the dawn. It was going to be the hard day and the fact that he was supposed to look perfect in the evening didn't help him. The king started even thinking that he could try to take a nap in the afternoon. The idea was tempting but Arthur felt that it was almost impossible. Being a king meant lots of things and he just couldn't take a break during such an important day. It was definitely out of the question.

The blonde stood up slowly and stretched lazily. He started wondering why his servant didn't come yet. Then the king saw a tray with food that was put on the table. Arthur smiled lightly. His servant brought him breakfast but didn't want to wake him up. The boy must have known that it was going to be a long day for his king. Arthur couldn't help thinking that it was very kind of him.

Arthur sat down and was about to start eating. The strange thing was that he wasn't hungry at all. Nevertheless the king made himself eat. Food provided strength and he needed it now more than any other day.

"Sire." Arthur's servant came into his master's chamber without knocking.

The king glanced at him and noticed his raven hair and bright blue eyes. Arthur realised that the boy was more similar to Merlin than he had thought.

"Peter..." the older man said. "What time is it?"

"About ten," the boy informed him.

"Very well. Prepare some clothes for me," he ordered.

"Yes, sire." Peter bowed lightly.

"And don't forget about ceremonial robes for the evening..." Arthur thought a while. "I also want to have a bath before today's feast. Don't forget!"

"I won't, Sire" the servant assured him. When the king didn't order anything else, he walked up to royal wardrobe and took some clothes from its inside.

Arthur grabbed them and he hid behind the screen. He didn't allow any servant after Merlin to dress him if it wasn't necessary. Soon after his coronation the blonde had realised that someone's strange hands on his arms didn't feel good.

oOoOo

"Merlin?" Gwen couldn't believe her eyes. Her old friend was standing in front of the door of her house. After his last visit she didn't suppose to see him soon.

"I can go away if I'm disturbing," the warlock said. "I won't feel offended."

"Of course you're not disturbing," she assured him. "I'm just slightly surprised. Please, come in."

The man went inside and followed Guinevere.

"You're here to talk about some problem or..."

"I want to see Dominic," Merlin said quickly. "It won't take a lot of time."

Gwen smiled lightly but she could feel that something was wrong. There was more sorrow in Merlin's eyes and even in his voice. The man even seemed to be more pensive.

They came into Dominic's bedroom. The boy was sleeping quietly in his cradle.

"I'll just sit here and watch," the sorcerer said pointing at an alone chair.

"Okay," Gwen said. "I... I have something to do. I can leave you, can't I?" she asked.

"Of course you can. I don't need attention. Just go and do what you have to." Merlin looked at her a bit encouragingly.

Guinevere nodded and left the room.

The warlock sat on the chair, which stood near the cradle, and looked down at the boy. When the echo of Gwen's footsteps died away, he was sure that she couldn't hear is words. "I've come here for a reason, Dominic," Merlin whispered. He knew that he was talking to a sleeping child but he needed to tell someone. Dominic was an easy choice because the boy wouldn't judge him or tell anyone else. "I've come here to say goodbye," Merlin continued after a while. "I've made up my mind. That situation is sick and I can't stand it. And if I'm fed up, I need to finish it all." The warlock dared to stroke Dominic's hair. "That's simple, isn't it? I only hope that you will never have to make such decision." He wiped a tear up. "I thought about it all night and I came to the conclusion that it's the best solution. They don't need me any more. He doesn't needs me..." Merlin's lips trembled lightly. "Camelot is a great kingdom. Now there's a lot of good sorcerers and sorceress here. They can make sure this place will be safe. You'll be safe." The warlock stood up suddenly. He had said everything what he wanted, if not too much. "Goodbye," he whispered in the end and quickly got out from the room.

"You're leaving so soon?" Gwen asked him in the corridor.

"I have to," Merlin lied. "You know... Arthur's engagement. I'm the bloody Court Magician. I need to prepare myself for the evening."

"Of course," the woman said a bit doubtfully. "Bye."

"Goodbye, Gwen," Merlin said quietly and left her house.

oOoOo

Morgana took her seat by king's chair. Princess Miranda was supposed to sit by Arthur's other side so Merlin lost his usual place. The warlock had to sit down beside Morgana but he didn't seem to care much. The sorceress saw that he didn't want to have opportunity to talk to Arthur.

The chairs for king and princess were still empty while almost all guests were already sitting on their chairs. However no one seemed to be tired by waiting. Arthur was a good king and everyone respected him. A brief delay couldn't change it. Miranda was a guest in Camelot and now people realised that she was pretty important. Even if they weren't fond of her, they had to respect her. She was going to become their queen very soon after all. Besides it was their evening. They were supposed to come gracefully and impress everyone.

When they finally went into the Feast Room, all eyes were focused on them. Arthur was wearing his ceremonial robes that everyone knew very well. However Miranda looked stunning. The princess was always a very beautiful and attractive woman but now excelled herself. She wore her hair in a loose bun which was made from her perfect, red locks. A long purple dress hugged her breasts perfectly. Miranda truly looked more like some goddess than a real human.

Merlin was watching every of her movements silently. Seeing it, Morgana started wondering if looks could kill. The things would have been easier if it actually could.

Before Arthur and Miranda could take the seats, everybody stood up and started applauding. Everybody had to smile even if it was pretending. Just then the king and his fiancée sat down and all court followed them.

"I wanted to thank all of you for attending this feast," Arthur announced. "As you must know, it's a very important evening... Probably one of the most important in my life."

Merlin rolled his eyes and Morgana wanted to do the same but she smiled bitterly instead. She had a bigger experience in hiding her true feelings.

"I'm not going to address long. It's not my intention to make you fall asleep." Arthur laughed lightly. Morgana heard a little nervousness in his laughter. "I just want to thank dear princess Miranda for accepting my proposal. She is a wonderful woman and I'm sure she'll make a great queen."

Miranda smiled sweetly at her fiancé. "I will do everything to not fail you," she assured him.

Arthur bowed at her. "As I've said it's a short speech. Now just let me raise the first glass to my fiancée. For princess Miranda!" he said aloud raising his chalice.

"For princess Miranda!" Guests repeated and followed their king's gesture.

The feast began.

oOoOo

Merlin barely ate and drank. He knew that these things didn't matter any more. He had already made a decision and now he could be the Court Magician this last evening. There was one thing that Merlin knew for sure. He thought that nobody would cry for him. At least it wouldn't be the only person he wanted.

The said person was now dancing with his future wife. It pained Merlin more than anything but he had to admit that they looked good together. He, of course, knew that Miranda didn't deserve the title of Queen of Camelot. She didn't have a soft heart and was actually a cold and devious bitch. Power and wealth were all that she cared about.

Merlin knew that Arthur saw none of these things. The king saw what he wanted to see. There had been time when Merlin would have tried to open his friend's eyes. He would've done it eagerly. But now the warlock was tired and broken. He thought that if Arthur had wanted Miranda to be his wife, he would have been blinded by love. Merlin couldn't fight with his friend's love while he couldn't cope with his own feelings.

The sorcerer turned his gaze away from Arthur and glanced at Morgana. He noticed that she was watching the royal couple too. Merlin was aware that the woman didn't want Miranda to become queen. There was sadness in her eyes and the warlock felt a sudden connection with her. He felt a bit guilty because he was going to leave her with Miranda and all problems that the red haired woman would cause. However he also felt that he couldn't change his mind. Merlin had already fulfil his destiny and there was no place for him any more. He had to slide into shadow.

oOoOo

Arthur tried to focus on Miranda. They were dancing and he was supposed to enjoy it. People were watching them so he felt a bit strange. The thought that there were eyes which stalked his every move was quite frightening. When he was fighting, things seemed different. Combats were natural, just like breathing. Dancing with Miranda felt unfamiliar.

The king danced because he knew that guests and his fiancée expected it. However it only made him feel frustrated.

Suddenly Arthur found himself glancing at Merlin. At first he thought that he wasn't looking at him more than at the others. After a while, however, the king realised that it was not true. He simply watched Merlin. He started wondering what the other man was thinking. He started noticing that the warlock was actually sad.

Arthur was supposed to think about the beautiful woman whose hands he was holding. But there was a major difference between what he was supposed to do and what he was actually doing. The feeling that he was in the wrong place filled his heart. The thoughts that this dance, this feast and his whole engagement were madness crossed his mind for the first time. It was a short moment but it left a small hole in his heart.

Then the king focused on Merlin again. The warlock was sitting by Morgana's side but they were barely speaking. Arthur started wondering if they'd had some fight. He couldn't understand why but he wished that they had. The blonde started imagining that he would then go and comfort Merlin. Arthur knew that his thoughts were ridiculous but he had plenty of them recently. It even stopped feeling so sick.

Abruptly Arthur noticed Sir Leon. The knight walked up to Morgana and said something to her. The woman glanced at Merlin and the king felt that something was definitely wrong. He wanted to do something to stop Leon and Morgana because he felt that they were hurting Merlin. However Arthur was helpless.

oOoOo

Sir Leon stood over Morgana. The woman looked at him and gave him a shy smile. She couldn't wait to hear what he was about to say.

"My lady..." He bowed lightly. "Would you dance if I asked you to dance?" he asked innocently.

Morgana turned her head lightly to glance at Merlin. The warlock didn't even seem to notice Sir Leon. She thought that he noticed nothing but Arthur. Morgana wanted to share a dance with Leon but she wasn't sure if she could leave Merlin in such state. A short mental fight took place in her mind and finally she decided that the sorcerer wouldn't care.

"You cannot ask directly, can you?" Morgana asked turning her attention back to the knight.

"I asked directly," Leon said firmly. "In a safe way."

The sorceress rolled her eyes. She didn't care that it didn't suit noble ladies.

Leon bent over lightly and whispered, "he'll be fine."

"I know," Morgana said almost noiselessly.

Then she stood up and let him hold her hand. Morgana was curious if Leon was a good dancer. She had never seen him dancing with anybody. It could mean that his dancing skills were poor or that the knight was a bit shy. Besides even if she couldn't enjoy the dance, the closeness gave them opportunity to talk.

oOoOo

Merlin had enough. Watching Arthur with Miranda was a torture, not a pleasure. He could not believe that he was standing it so long. He had already fulfilled his duty of Court Magician. The warlock didn't see a reason to stay longer.

The dark haired man stood up and walked away slowly. He stopped at the doors for a short moment to look around the Feast Room. His eyes found Morgana and Leon. The woman watched him so he quickly turned his gaze away. Then he looked at Arthur. Merlin was seeing him for the last time so he was trying to give him farewell. The king had no idea that it was their soundless goodbye. Merlin wanted it this way. It was easier.

oOoOo

Arthur noticed Merlin's empty chair. He couldn't just stop dancing and look around properly. However he tried to dance in the way that he could check every part of the room. It took him a few minutes but finally he discovered that there was no sign of him.

"Can we rest?" the king asked Miranda.

"I wondered when you would get tired," she said. "I'm impressed. You've stood much longer than I thought at the beginning."

"Thank you," Arthur murmured and he led her to their chairs. He wanted to sit down as soon as possible and think.

Morgana and Leon joined them very soon. The woman had told the knight that she had a bad feeling and that she wanted him to help her.

"Princess Miranda?" Leon turned his attention towards red haired beauty.

"Yes?" the lady took a look at the knight.

"Would you give me a pleasure of dancing with you?" he asked smoothly. Leon knew that it wouldn't be a pleasure but he had to sacrifice himself.

"Only if Arthur agrees," Miranda answered.

"My lord?" Leon asked Arthur. Both he and Morgana prayed that he would say yes.

The king looked at his fiancée. "Of course you can dance with Sir Leon," he agreed. It was clearly seen that he was wild-eyed.

Leon and Miranda walked away leaving Arthur and Morgana alone.

The dark haired woman watched the king very intently while he didn't look at her at all. The silence was almost unbearable. Morgana started to feverishly wonder what to say. There was no time to waste. Miranda would come back soon.

Suddenly something unexpected happened. Arthur was the one who started talking.

"Where's Merlin?" he asked simply, still avoiding eye contact.

"He's not here," Morgana said quietly.

Her answer annoyed Arthur and he threw an angry look at her. "I can see that," he snarled.

"He's probably in his chamber." The woman tried to stay calm but it was harder and harder with every second.

"Why has he gone there?" Arthur didn't give up. He wanted to hear that she had hurt him. He wanted to see her guilty because of Merlin.

"Maybe he is tired," Morgana guessed. "Besides he was never fond of such an official feasts. It's not his world."

"Or maybe he didn't want to watch the person that cares about with someone else," Arthur said angrily.

Morgana felt that the situation was serious. The worst thing was that Arthur was right. Merlin hadn't really wanted to see his love with someone else. However the king did not understand that it was about him, not her.

They fell silent. Arthur was simply angry. Morgana wondered how to explain everything to him. She knew that the king wouldn't listen to her reassurances that there was no affection between her and Merlin.

oOoOo

The sorcerer was in his chamber. The only source of light was a small candle on the table. Next to it there was a chalice filled with red wine. Merlin looked down at the cup knowing that it was containing his last drink.

The man's hand was shaking when he raised the vial. After a few seconds of hesitating he poured the poison into the chalice. In the dim light Merlin noticed that the wine changed a colour. It became redder.

Merlin grabbed the cup and smelled the wine. He shivered. "So it's the end," he whispered smiling sadly. "I love you, Arthur..." Then he sipped the poisoned wine from the chalice.

The chair rocked.

oOoOo

Arthur hadn't been so annoyed for a long time. He wanted these all people around him to disappear. They didn't let him feel like _Arthur_. He needed to clear his mind to find the solution for his utter confusion. Morgana's close presence made him only more angry. There was a part of him which wanted to hurt her badly. The king was afraid of this part. He didn't want it to take control over him because the consequences could be deadly serious.

Suddenly something did change. At first Arthur thought that something happened around him. However when he raised his head, he realised that everything was the same there. Guests behaved as during every sumptuous feast. None of them seemed to be troubled by some change.

Then Arthur realised that it happened inside him. The feeling of emptiness filled him. Firstly it occupied his heart but then it started to spread. After a while it was everywhere.

The king tried to understand his own state. He had never felt so torn in his entire life. It felt as if the half of his heart, the part of himself was taken away from him. Thinking of halves reminded him about two sides of the same coin. Suddenly it started to make sense. Arthur just knew that this feeling had something to do with Merlin.

The blonde jumped to his feet.

"Arthur? What are you doing?" He heard Morgana's thrilled voice.

"Merlin... I need to see him," the king mumbled and ran towards doors. He didn't care about the weird stares that he must have received.

Arthur rushed out of the Feast Room before someone could stop him and he ran upstairs. He knew the way to Merlin's chamber by heart and he would get there even if he went blind.

* * *

**Cliffhanger? Please, review!**


	12. Nothing was what it seemed

**Author: LadyFromPoland**

**Disclaimer: I don't own "Merlin". It is a TV show which belongs to BBC.**

**Warning: SLASH  
**

**English is not my mother language.

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**It took me more than a week but I've finally finished this chapter. I'm afraid but probably I won't be able to update next week (how can they want us to read so much in such a short amount of time?). However I'll do it as soon as possible.  
Now enjoy!

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**

_**

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Dearest to his heart**_

**Chapter 12**

"**Nothing was what it seemed"**

The way to Merlin's chamber seemed unreal. Arthur felt as if he was moving out of the time. It couldn't take him more than two minutes but the king still felt that it lasted too long.

Finally he reached the door.

Everything seemed to stop when Arthur ran into Merlin's room without knocking. The king glanced at the only source of light in the chamber and then turned his gaze toward the bed. His world filled with darkness immediately.

"Merlin..." Arthur whispered. The warlock was lying on his bed, gasping for air.

The blonde knelt by his friend's side in time shorter than two blinks of an eye. He touched Merlin's sweating forehead and found out that he didn't have a fever. It didn't make sense to him.

"Merlin... open your eyes," he asked. His voice started to tremble. "Merlin..."

Arthur looked around looking for help or something what would give him a clue. His eyes rested on a small vial. He grabbed it to take a closer look. However careful examination wasn't really needed. A small skull told him everything.

"Merlin!" the king cried. He grabbed sorcerer's shoulder and started shaking his slight body. "I'm not letting you... I order you to open your eyes!" Arthur wanted Merlin to listen to his order just this one time. He wanted it so badly. "Stupid, stupid, stubborn idiot..."

"Ar...thur..." Merlin whispered weakly.

"Merlin?" the king looked hopefully at his eyelids. "Oh God, please..."

The warlock made himself to open his eyes. Actually they were half open but it didn't matter. He could see Arthur and it was comforting. Merlin wasn't even sure if it was the king himself or just a fruit of his imagination but he was glad to see these blue eyes for one more moment.

"You've come...?" Merlin asked finally. "I'm sorry... I..."

"It doesn't matter now," Arthur said quickly. "You don't need to say anything. You'll be fine... And then I'll shout at you for what you've tried to do but eventually I'll calm down and..."

Merlin cried silently. He felt that death was close. Although Arthur's words were sweet and he would have done much to hear them before, they were hopeless then and there. "Arthur... It is good... to see you... this last... time..."

Then his eyes closed again.

For a few seconds Arthur thought that he lost him forever. There were so many things that he wanted to tell him. There were so many things that he wanted to do with him.

The king put his trembling hand on Merlin's chest and felt relief. His heart was still beating.

oOoOo

Morgana was a clever woman so she knew that something major was happening in the castle. After a while she decided to follow Arthur. He hadn't been himself recently so it wasn't wise to leave him on his own.

People were staring at her when she was leaving the Feast Room in rush. They must have found her and Arthur's behaviour odd but Morgana knew that it would take them a longer while to start to worry.

The sorceress went upstairs as quickly as her long dress let her. She sometimes wondered how her life could be easier if she wore trousers instead of dresses. Men had an easier life. At least in case of clothes. Then Morgana shook her head in disbelief. It was not time for some silly thoughts about fashion and customs.

The part of the castle in which Merlin had his chamber suddenly seemed too dark and gloomy to Morgana. There was something baleful in the air what made her shiver. It couldn't mean anything good.

She needed to find out quickly what was happening. Uncertainty was worse than truth itself.

Finally the right door appeared within Morgana's sight. It took her only several seconds to reach it.

She ran inside and stopped in the middle of the room. Her eyes widened when she saw as Arthur was bending over Merlin. The great king looked broken and was definitely close to tears.

Morgana was not a stupid person and she understood the whole situation immediately. Although she didn't want to believe that it was true. While Arthur was ordering Merlin not to die, she turned her gaze toward the table. Then she recalled the vision and everything started to make sense.

_Someone moved. It didn't look good. There was something desperate in the movement. Something desperate and fatal.  
_The sorceress could see in her mind's eyes as Merlin was falling on his large bed. She knew that he always considered it too big for him and his skinny flesh.

_The table rocked. It looked clearly. It was not a blur.  
_Morgana felt a sudden anger. She had seen this table plenty of times and yet she hadn't recognised it.

_The chalice fell down. The remnants of wine dropped on the stone floor.  
_She looked down. The chalice was lying there. It looked so innocent but Morgana remembered the rest of her vision.

_The drops looked like blood. Very much like blood.  
_She moved closer and then noticed some red drops. It was frightening that they were so similar to human blood. She couldn't help thinking that those drops were actually a blood and that they once ran through Merlin's veins.

"Arthur..." Morgana said after a few seconds. Finally she realised that by standing, staring and crying they couldn't do anything. If there was still a chance for Merlin they had to hurry up.

The man looked up at her. He looked so piteously kneeling by Merlin's side. Morgana had been angry that Arthur was so blind but now she couldn't be mad at him. He cared for the warlock deeply. Even deeper than she used to think. Merlin and Arthur had been said to be two side of the same coin but now she truly understood the meaning of these words. They both had separate bodies but their souls were two pieces which couldn't survive without each other. Without Merlin Arthur would eat, drink and breathe but nothing else. He would be alive but there was not a real life for him any more. Camelot would lose the the Court Magician and the King as well.

"We need to take him to physician," Morgana said. "Nicholas should be in his quarters by now."

Arthur glanced at his friend. He was definitely at death's door.

"Arthur... he's still got a chance," the woman said as firmly as she could. Then she walked up to the king and took the vial away from him. "Nicholas will need it."

He nodded lightly. Arthur wanted to believe that Merlin could still be fine. They both went through many dangers so it allcouldn't end in such a stupid way. The king kept himself believing in a happy end of this situation. He needed to hope that it could make them stronger as other obstacles always had.

Thanks to hope Arthur found a strength to fight. He picked Merlin up carefully not wanting to hurt him. The warlock was too thin and too light and Arthur promised himself that he would try to change it in the future. Once the hope filled his heart again, he didn't let himself think that there would be no future for Merlin.

"Let's go," Morgana hurried him quickly. "We've wasted enough time."

"Go first and inform the physician," Arthur ordered her. He started to sound like a king again. "I'll be there in a minute."

Morgana agreed silently.

oOoOo

Arthur paced nervously up and down his chamber. It was middle of the night but he didn't even try to fall asleep. He couldn't sleep when his friend was on the brink of death.

Nicholas had ordered Arthur to stay away from his quarters. Although he was the king, he had to listen. The physician knew what he was doing and Arthur's presence would only slow him down. Merlin's life was at stake and Arthur couldn't risk. He valued his friend's life more than his own and he would do anything to save him.

There was one thing that Arthur couldn't understand in any way. Merlin was always willing to sacrifice his life for his friends. However he was not a person who would just commit a suicide. It was completely not like Merlin to give up. The warlock always tried to find a solution for the problems. The hope gave him more power than his magic.

Nevertheless Arthur knew that Merlin had tried to kill himself. There proofs were uncontested. Every time when the king closed his eyes, he saw his dying friend. Merlin had looked so powerless and miserable. Arthur had never wanted to see him like this. Merlin was supposed to be happy and smiling but most of all alive by his king's side. Arthur wanted to hear his advice in time of never-ending councils and needed to see his wide grins in the rainy afternoons. They always recalled warm summer days.

Arthur didn't know what he would do without him. Merlin seemed to be a part of everything what mattered to the king. It was almost impossible but it was true anyway. Merlin protected Camelot and her people. He was the person who was always willing to help the poor and these who suffered. Although as the Court Magician he had plenty of duties, he could always find a while to entertain some kids performing his magic tricks. Merlin was the person who was not afraid to tell Arthur what he was doing bad. That was one of the reasons why the king valued his judgements and advice so much.

There was also another part of Merlin. When Camelot was in danger he acted maturely but when there were no serious problems he was like the cheerful and carefree boy that Arthur had met many years before. The king liked when Merlin called him prat. It felt familiar and incredibly good. Although the warlock had sometimes called Arthur this way in wrong place and time, it hadn't really mattered. It'd been Merlin, his clumsy servant without whose his life would have been boring. Now Merlin was his Court Magician, Advisor and so many, many more. Arthur was aware that his life without his dear friend would be simply unbearable.

He knew that no one could find out how his heart ached for last few hours. His friendship with Merlin had always been different than the others. However now it seemed more precious than ever before. Arthur couldn't stop thinking about the way Merlin made him feel whole. Any other men or women made him so happy. Even Guinevere in the time of their sweet and innocent relationship had never had such an effect on him. Merlin just had the special place in Arthur's heart and the king didn't try to deny it any more. It was beautiful, even though he couldn't share it with anybody.

Then the door of his chamber opened and Morgana went inside. She looked very serious. Her face was paler than usual because she didn't sleep too.

Arthur's heart skipped a beat. He watched Morgana very intently waiting for news.

Their eyes met. Uncertainty started to kill Arthur. He needed to hear the truth as well as he needed to breathe.

Then the woman closed her eyes taking a deep breath. "He'll be fine..." she finally said weakly.

"Good Lord..." Arthur whispered sitting on the nearest chair. He buried his face in his hands and let a large relief filled his heart.

Morgana watched her king silently. She knew that he needed a while for himself. Recent events broke him and now he could finally start living again.

Arthur was the king but he was most of all a human. He was not supposed to cry but he had almost lost his second half. A few tears of joy couldn't be a reason to feel ashamed. Merlin, his dear friend, was alive and he was going to be fine. It was all what he was praying for.

The woman was about to leave the chamber when Arthur's sudden question stopped her.

"Why, Morgana? Why?"

The sorceress turned around to look at his face. She could see the relief that just filled him but there was also a fear in his eyes. Morgana understood in a second that Arthur thought that Merlin would try to do this again.

"Why did he do this?" the king asked. "There must be a reason... People don't kill themselves because of silly things." His eyes watched her very carefully and Morgana felt quite uncomfortable. "You should know something... Did you and Leon hurt him?" It sounded very much like accusation and the sorceress was aware of that.

"I've already told you that me and Merlin have never been together," she said as quietly as she could in such a situation. "I'm not lying, Arthur. We are just friends and I know for sure that Merlin doesn't love me in a romantic way."

"Then why did he try...?" Arthur jumped to his feet and moved towards Morgana. He looked directly into her eyes and saw nothing but frankness. "You know why he tried to do it, don't you?" he asked silently.

Morgana nodded slowly. She wasn't going to hide the truth any more. "Lady Miranda," she whispered finally.

Arthur wasn't able to hide his surprise. "Miranda? Merlin..." The king shook his head. "Does he love Miranda?" This possibility was killing him. He couldn't imagine these two together. It seemed to be worse than Merlin's romance with Morgana. Besides it meant that Arthur was partly a cause of his friend's suicide attempt.

Morgana was too shocked to explain him everything immediately. She started shaking her head but Arthur wasn't looking at her any more. "No..." she whispered eventually. "He's not in love with her. How could you even think that?"

The king looked at her again. "Then what the hell happened?"

Morgana sighed. "Miranda treated Merlin as a danger," she started explaining.

"What?" Arthur was bewildered. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"She was afraid of your friendship. She knew that you would always listen to Merlin's advice. She was aware of the bond that you share." Morgana looked down avoiding the eye contact. The next part was going to be worse.

"I still don't understand why Merlin wanted to kill himself." He finally called what the warlock was trying to do.

"Miranda is not a sweet princess, Arthur," Morgana said seriously. "You didn't see it but she's been a cruel person all along. She considered Merlin as a problem so she decided to get rid of him."

"How?" Arthur still couldn't found cruelty in Miranda. Even if she wasn't a nice person, he still couldn't understand how she made Merlin to kill himself. She barely knew him so it was impossible that she knew his greatest weaknesses. "Morgana."

"You see... Merlin..." She smiled sadly. "He... he loves you."

Arthur stepped back. It was too much to bear even for the king. He found his way to the bed and sat on the edge. He looked down at the floor and didn't want to see anything else. Words _Merlin _and _love _sounded wonderful but they didn't make sense.

"Arthur," Morgana said softly. Suddenly she was sitting by his side. "Please, look at me."

The king kept on watching the stone floor. It was easier than looking up to face the truth.

"Arthur... Why do you avoid my gaze? Why don't you want to talk to me?" She asked quietly.

"If it's true, then it's my fault," the man whispered. "My fault..."

"No!" Morgana lifted his chin up and made him look at her. "You need to listen! ! You're not to blame!"

"I am," Arthur said angrily.

"Merlin didn't try to end his life because of his feelings," she said quickly. "He accepted that you couldn't be more than friends. He valued your friendship. He was happy to stay by your side as your friend and advisor."

"Then why did he almost kill himself?" Arthur was trembling. He needed to hear the truth.

"Because Miranda stole you... She tried to break your friendship." Morgana took a deep breath. Explaining was a very difficult thing. "First, Miranda separated you two. Haven't you noticed how she occupied every minute of the time that you could spend with Merlin?"

Arthur hadn't noticed it before but now Morgana's words made him see the situation in a different light.

"But it wasn't enough for her," the woman continued. "Our red beauty decided to break Merlin completely. She's discovered his feelings very quickly and then started to destroy everything what he believed in. I've heard on my own as she called his feelings a dirty little secret and then suggested that she and you had a very good time."

Arthur gasped. It was hard to believe that Miranda could be so cruel. Merlin was everything what was pure, good and beautiful in this world. His feelings were selfless so they couldn't be dirty. "Keep going," the king said after a while of silence.

"Then she made him believe that you've never been friends." Morgana sighed. "I'm not sure how she did it but Merlin believed that you didn't like him for him but for his magic."

"That's not true!" Arthur denied. "I would never... Oh God..."

"I know, Arthur... But Merlin was in such a state... I believe that he thought that he wasn't worth anything." Morgana looked directly into Arthur's eyes. "It wasn't your fault," she said firmly. "Miranda was the one who made him suffer. Him and the whole Camelot."

Then the sorceress stood up. She wanted to give Arthur a time to think about it all in peace.

"Morgana?" the king called her.

She turned around but didn't walk up to him. "Since when have you known about Merlin's... feelings?" he asked shyly.

"Since the day Gwen left you for Lancelot," she answered candidly.

"He's loved me for so long?" Arthur couldn't believe.

"Probably longer." Morgana wanted to say that Arthur had loved Merlin for years too but she stopped herself. She knew that there were things that people need to realise on their own.

Then she left Arthur alone with his thoughts.

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**And what do you think? I hope that I'm not so cruel any more. :)**


	13. Waiting

**Author: LadyFromPoland**

**Disclaimer: I don't own "Merlin". It is a TV show which belongs to BBC.**

**Warning: SLASH  
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**English is not my mother language.

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**I'm sorry you had to wait. However I hope it was worth it. :)

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Dearest to his heart**_

**Chapter 13**

"**Waiting"**

Arthur was thinking all night and now he knew what he exactly was supposed to do. His rage grew instead of melting away. There was no point in prolonging it longer. It would end very badly for Miranda and Arthur didn't want to make his people suffer because of a possible war.

He knocked on the door of her chamber chasing away a tempting thought of prying it open. The king heard footsteps and after a while he was standing in front of Kiara.

"My lord," she greeted him bowing low.

"Is your mistress awaken?" he asked harshly. The girl felt that there was something wrong with him. He didn't call the princess by her name as future husband was supposed to.

"Yes, Sire," Kiara answered quickly.

"Then leave us," Arthur said curtly and the girl simply had to obey his will.

When he came inside, the maid left the chamber silently.

"Arthur," Miranda said affectionately walking up to him. "I've heard what happened and I'm so sorry." She was about to hug the man but Arthur stood off just in time. "You don't have to say anything," the princess continued, touching his right arm gently. "I do understand that you couldn't entertain me after it all. Merlin... I always thought that he was a bit weird but I never supposed that he would, one day, do something like that."

Arthur watched disdainfully as her lips moved uttering terrible lies. He could not believe that there where times when he believed in her every word. Morgana was right. He must have been blind.

"I'm sure he'll be fine," Miranda said sweetly but Arthur could see loathing in his eyes. "He has magic and he's young. There is still so many things that he's yet to do."

"Stop it!" The king couldn't stand it any more. "Stop pretending that you want Merlin to recover."

"Arthur? What are you talking about?" she asked. Her voice was so innocently frightened that he would believe her if he didn't know the truth.

"I know what you did," he said firmly. "I know that he tried to kill himself because of your efforts. You wanted to break him down and it's something that I'll never forgive you..."

"You don't look well, Arthur," the princess told him as if he just hadn't accused her of doing something very bad. "You should take some sleep before you do something what you'll regret later."

"I told you to STOP it!" the king shouted at her. "Because of you, I almost lost my friend. Because of you, I thought that I would never again see him alive." He started trembling all over his body and it didn't look well. "You've come to Camelot and decided to ruin everything what was dear to me. In the name of what? Of being the queen?"

"I pity you, Arthur Pendragon." Miranda's voice was no longer sweet and innocent. It seemed that she decided to stop pretending. "You have a soft spot for someone who was once your servant boy. Is it what make people kings?" she asked mockingly.

"Get out!" Arthur snarled but the woman didn't seem to care.

"You want to choose some peasant over me? I've got everything what queen should have. I would make a perfect queen and still you prefer to spoil your life for some queer boy who's had a crush on you for a while." Miranda snickered. "You didn't care about his feelings before. You didn't see how desperately he was in love with you and yet you make a fuss about it now. He's your weakness, Arthur Pendragon. You must know what good kings should do with their weaknesses. They ought to treat them like illnesses and eliminate."

"Don't tell about Merlin this way!" the king said angrily. "You think you know everything but it's not true. I was blind and I'm not going to hide it. Now I see how you fooled me and I can't stand the thought that it almost killed Merlin. But I won't let you keep on ruining everything what is good and beautiful. You've already gained too much!"

"Beautiful? What is beautiful about Merlin? He's just a skinny kid who's got a power which shouldn't belong to him," Miranda said bitterly. "He wastes his gift. If there's something beautiful in this world than it's power. If he wanted, he would have everything, including you as his sex toy..."

The king couldn't stand it any longer. Miranda had been insulting him and Merlin too long, thinking that she could do anything without consequences. Arthur seized the handle of his sword and looked at the princess with hatred. "If you value your life you'll leave this castle as soon as possible and you'll never come to my kingdom again." He really meant that. The situation was too serious for jokes.

Miranda glanced at the blade and then looked at Arthur again. "You're making a mistake," she whispered. "You should listen to your common sense, not to your heart."

"Believe me that my common sense and my heart tell me the same thing," he replied.

"Very well... If you prefer Merlin's sinful affection, I won't stop you. Your own people will turn against you if you dare to return his feelings." The princess smirked. "I wonder what you want more... Is it your people's respect or the right to _have _Merlin openly?"

"You know nothing..." Arthur hissed. "I pity you because you must have never had someone for who you would do everything. And you don't have the foggiest idea what the word _sinful_ means. What you've done to Merlin is a sin, not love."

"Well, well, well... the great king Arthur for the first time used word _love _talking about his friend and advisor. It's so touching..." Miranda mocked.

"One more word and you won't come back home alive." This time Arthur looked as if he really was able to do it. The princess didn't dare to say anything. "You've got two hours to leave this city," the king said firmly. "I don't want to see you ever again." Then he turned around and left her chamber in silence. There was nothing more to add.

oOoOo

Merlin was lying in a bed in physician's quarters. His eyes had been closed since the evening. His skin was too pale but he breathed slowly and steadily.

Although the danger was over, Arthur couldn't stop feeling fear. The king was sitting on a chair by Merlin's bed. He had come there just after his visit in Miranda's chamber and had spent there a few hours. His time was precious and he knew that he was supposed to attend some meetings but it didn't matter to him now. The truth was that nobody expected him to fulfill his duties as king this day. Everybody already knew that something bad had happened to Merlin and that Arthur wanted to be by his side. It was not a secret that they both were really close.

Nicholas came up to the bed and checked Merlin's fever.

"When is he going to wake up?" Arthur asked him wanting to hear good news.

The physician sighed. "It's not easy to say, Sire." He smiled sadly. "Merlin may wake up in a few hours but it can take him a week too."

"A week?" the king asked in disbelief. "How is it possible? Doesn't he need to eat?"

"He may be in some sort of coma, Sire. Without his magic, he would be dead. The strong poison ran through his veins for a long time. His organism needs time to recover. However you shouldn't be worried, my lord. Merlin will wake up sooner or later. My antidote has made its work and now his blood is cleansed."

"Thank you, Nicholas," Arthur said quietly.

"I'll go to see my other patients, Sire." The physician bowed and left the chamber.

However Arthur didn't sit in silence a long time. Soon after the physician had gone to his patients, Morgana came to accompany the king.

"How are you feeling?" she asked him silently sitting on the edge of Merlin's bed.

"I'm not sure," Arthur admitted.

They remained silent for a while, watching Merlin.

"Miranda has left Camelot," Morgana finally said.

"That's good." Arthur didn't glance at her. He kept on watching Merlin and couldn't stop thinking how much he wanted to touch and stroke his hand.

"I have a feeling that you've got something to do with it," Morgana said candidly. "I doubt that Miranda suddenly felt guilty and decided on her own to leave Camelot."

"And you're right," Arthur answered shortly but it was enough for the sorceress. She didn't want to recall sad events of past weeks and since princess Miranda was gone, they could really try to forget. Arthur had finally discovered the true nature of his friend's feelings. They headed towards new times.

"You said that you're not sure how are you feeling," Morgana started after a while. "Maybe you can tell me what do you feel when you look at him?"

The king smiled timidly. "I'm happy that he's alive," he said softly.

"I know that," Morgana told him. "But I was asking about something different."

Arthur knew that she had meant something else. However he wasn't sure what to say and how to do this. "I'm..." he hesitated. "I know for sure that I don't want to live without him."

"That is much," Morgana admitted. "Probably more than Merlin had ever expected. It shows that you care for him but... it doesn't mean that you return his feelings."

The king couldn't look at her. He'd been expecting such a conversation but it didn't make it easier. "What do you think Morgana? Do I like him _this _way?"

"It doesn't matter what I think," the sorceress said wisely. "You should follow your feelings."

"You think I do, right?" he asked weakly.

Morgana didn't answer. She was sure that Arthur loved Merlin the same way the warlock loved him. However the king wanted to hear the reassurance. Morgana wasn't going to make things easier for him. Arthur needed to be sure without any help. Only then could he completely appreciate his love.

"Morgana," the man insisted.

"Ask your heart, not me," she advised him.

"Do you really think I didn't try?" Arthur asked her accusingly. "I keep on asking myself but I'm too confused to hear the answer. It all happened too fast... How can I be sure that that's _it_? He almost died in my arms... I'd never felt something like that but I don't want to hurt him deeper."

"It's very wise," Morgana said quietly. "All you need is time." She looked at Merlin. "You both need it."

oOoOo

It was the third day of Merlin's coma and Arthur started to worry. He still remembered Nicholas' words, the physician repeated them a few times, but it still made the king feel bad. He couldn't focus on anything and was sure that without Morgana's help he would be lost. This woman was almost as big miracle as Merlin. Apart from some royal problems, she helped him in a very human way. Arthur just felt her support. The other person that supported him was Sir Leon. The knight and Morgana cooperated perfectly and the king couldn't believe that he hadn't noticed their closeness before. On the other hand, it wasn't so strange. After all he had been blind for so long.

Arthur thought about Merlin all the time. He just couldn't erase painful memories from his mind. They still seemed so real. His own feelings were the other problem. He realised that Merlin was the most important person in his life. They were like two halves and nothing could change that. However Arthur was afraid of calling it love. He had thought that he loved once and it ended up with a great heartbreak. He had promised himself then that he could never seek love again. The kingdom and his people were supposed to be a priority in his life.

The king, however, had never wanted to remove Merlin from his mind. The dark haired boy had been standing by his sides for many, many years and it seemed to be the most natural thing in the world. Arthur had never thought it could end, nor had he considered their bond dangerous. But now he was not so sure. If he had let himself to love Merlin, he would have to face many obstacles. He didn't want his friend to go through it. The thing that the king didn't want to understand was that he couldn't choose. The love was already in his heart and fear was the only thing which stopped him from admitting that. At least out loud.

oOoOo

Morgana brought flowers and put them in a vase next to Merlin's bed. She knew very well that the warlock admired beauty and scent of blossoms.

The woman walked up to the window to open it. It was stuffy there and she felt that Merlin needed a lot of fresh air. He was supposed to wake up soon after all.

Arthur had the Council that he couldn't quit. The king didn't want to leave Merlin alone so he asked Morgana to stay by his side. The sorceress agreed without any hesitation. She was aware that it was very important to Arthur.

Suddenly Morgana heard a light moan. Her heart quickened when she looked at Merlin intently and saw that he was waking up.

In a few seconds she was sitting by his side holding his hand. "Merlin?" she asked softly.

It took warlock a while to finally open his eyes. When he did, he closed them immediately. Seeing a daylight after spending so much time in a complete darkness was a torture.

"You'll get used to it soon," Morgana assured him.

"Where...? How...?" At first even thinking was difficult to him now.

"You're safe now," the woman told him softly. "You've scared us so much but it doesn't matter now. We'll have time to discuss it later."

Merlin slowly opened his eyes again. It was a bit painful but he forced himself not to close them. He discovered quickly that it wasn't his chamber. However he knew this room. It belonged to the new Court Physician. "How long I... was sleeping?" he asked weakly.

"A week," Morgana answered quietly. "Nicholas told us that you needed time to recover. You've been on the brink of death."

The sorcerer swallowed hard. Painful memories started coming back to him. Now he knew that his behaviour was quite childish and that killing himself wasn't the solution for any problems.

"How are you feeling?" the woman asked him after a while of silence.

"Probably worse than I look," Merlin said quietly.

Morgana couldn't help smiling lightly. The man in front of her was able to joke. It was a very good sign.

"Arthur will come here soon," she told him.

Merlin's reaction was unexpected. He started trembling and shaking his head. "No! Don't!" he begged her.

"What are you talking about?" Morgana wanted to understand her friend's behaviour.

"I don't want to see him... I don't want to hear about him... Don't even mention his name." Merlin's eyes were looking at her pleadingly. He was truly afraid.

"But why?" the woman asked him.

"Just don't..." Merlin whispered turning on his bed and hiding head in a pillow.

Nicholas heard the half of their conversation. He asked Morgana to talk with him in private and she agreed without hesitation.

"What's wrong with him?" she asked the physician.

"He's probably shocked," Nicholas informed her quietly. "As his physician I cannot let the king see him, my lady. Not now." He sighed. "Merlin needs emotional calmness. I hope you understand."

Morgana did. However she wasn't sure about Arthur. The fair haired man wouldn't take such news lightly.

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**Two chapters are left! What will happen? You need to wait to find out. ;)**

**Please, review!  
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	14. Answers

**Author: LadyFromPoland**

**Disclaimer: I don't own "Merlin". It is a TV show which belongs to BBC.**

**Warning: SLASH  
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**English is not my mother language.

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**I've written it in a week! ^^ I can't believe that. But I need to say that writing this chapter was a pleasure.

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_**Dearest to his heart**_

**Chapter 14**

"**Answers"**

Morgana was waiting for Arthur in his chamber. She knew that he would come there before visiting Merlin. He needed to change his king's robes to casual clothes because for the warlock he wanted to be just Arthur.

"What are you doing here?" the man asked instead of greeting. "You were supposed to stay by Merlin's side. He can wake up any time."

"Well..." Morgana looked at her king seriously. "Actually he's already woken up."

Arthur's eyes shone with joy and something what was similar to relief. "Why haven't you said anything?" he finally spat it out. "You should have come to my meeting and tell me. I need to see him right now." Then he turned around and was about to leave his chamber.

"Arthur!" Morgana walked up to the man. "I'm sorry but you can't."

"I beg your pardon?" The king blinked a few times.

"You cannot see Merlin," she said sadly but firmly.

"What?" Arthur shook his head. "It's a joke, right? Tell me it's a stupid joke!"

The woman fell silent. She looked down because it was too painful to see his hurt eyes.

"Morgana!" The man raised his voice as if it could solve something.

"I'm sorry Arthur but everything what I said is true," Morgana said silently. "Merlin doesn't want to hear anything about you." She dared to look up at Arthur and saw a startled and anxious man. "Nicholas told me that he is shocked and that he needs more time. We can't make him feel uncomfortable." Morgana tried to comfort her friend but these efforts were hopeless.

The news made him feel dizzy so Arthur sat down in an armchair. He tried to believe that Morgana was lying but he knew that it was childish. Merlin didn't want to see him and even though it was painful, he had to respect it.

"Do you know why?" Arthur asked Morgana weakly after a while of utter silence. He really hoped that she would give him clear answers.

"It's not easy to understand," the sorceress admitted. "Nicholas said something about emotional calmness which he needs now. Merlin went through so many things recently and they always, in some way, involved you." She sighed. "Besides he's probably afraid," Morgana added softly. "He's aware of what he did or rather what he tried to do. Maybe he's just not ready to face you yet."

"Am I so horrifying?" Arthur asked seriously and it frightened Morgana a bit.

"Of course you're not," she assured him. "I know how much you care for him and how you waited for him to wake up." The woman smiled sadly. "You're not going to hurt Merlin but he can see it slightly different."

"How can I change that if I can't go to see him?" the blonde asked helplessly. "I have no chance to win."

"It's not a competition, Arthur," Morgana reminded him. "It's Merlin's life and never forget about it."

"How can I forget?" the king asked a bit too angrily. "He almost died in my arms. I see this image in my dreams and you can be sure that it's far from pleasure." Arthur didn't want to be sarcastic but it was stronger than him. Lack of Merlin's company made him bitterer and bitterer with every day.

"Then give him some time. He really needs it," Morgana said quietly. She tried to stay calm while Arthur was not able to. "I'm sure that soon you both will be talking and laughing as you used to."

"As we used to?" Arthur asked. "I'm not so naïve. I know that our lives will never be the same again."

Morgana knew that it was true. However she hoped that their lives would be better. They both deserved it.

oOoOo

Arthur didn't know what to do with himself. He couldn't focus on any work, thinking about Merlin all the time. The warlock was woken up for one day but Arthur didn't see him even for a few seconds. Nicholas had explained him very carefully why he had to avoid the boy. It was for Merlin's own good and even though Arthur didn't like the separation he would do much more for his friend's health.

Loneliness made him think about his own feelings over and over again. The situation was very complicated and Arthur didn't know what to do. There was a part of him which told him to let his feelings unfold. The urge sometimes seemed so easy. However after a moment of reflection he was starting to doubt again. He was the king and couldn't follow his heart every time he wanted.

Arthur knew one thing. He wouldn't keep his feelings towards Merlin a secret if they were together. He didn't want Merlin to feel ashamed. The warlock deserved everything what was best, not living in a secret. He had lived this way once and it was enough.

Then Arthur remembered that Merlin didn't even want to hear about him. The king was wondering about their future while there would be any. It really made him feel miserable.

Suddenly he felt an urge to kick something. This time he let himself do as he wanted and kicked the nearest chair.

Loneliness had at least one upside; no one saw him so he didn't have to behave like a ruler.

oOoOo

In meantime Morgana was spending time with Merlin who was bedridden. Despite reassurances that he was feeling quite well, the physician didn't let him leave the bed even for a few minutes.

"Nicholas is right," Morgana told him softly. "You need to regain more strength. It'll be better if you don't move too much for a few days.

Merlin sighed heavily. He knew that she and Nicholas were right. Besides staying in bed would help him in avoiding Arthur. He knew that one day he would have to face him but he didn't try to think about it now. The idea of looking into his eyes hurt too much.

The truth was that Merlin had no idea what had happened. He didn't let Morgana explain anything. They would talk about everything but the recent events and Arthur. The warlock didn't know that Miranda was no longer in Camelot. What was worse, he feared that the red haired beauty was now Arthur's wife.

Merlin was afraid of Arthur's questions that the king would ask for sure. He also didn't want to look at the man that he thought he'd lost.

"You should take a nap," Morgana advised the man. "It should help you."

"I don't want to sleep," Merlin murmured.

The woman sighed. "You're as stubborn as Arthur." Just then she realised what she said. "I'm sorry..."

The sorcerer didn't answer. He was glancing at his hands, suddenly finding them very interesting.

"It's childish," Morgana mumbled but Merlin heard it clearly.

"I want to stay alone," he told her icily.

She nodded and left the room silently. "Pig-headed," she said to herself in the corridor.

oOoOo

Two days later Merlin still didn't want to hear about Arthur. When someone by accident mentioned his name, the warlock asked them to leave him alone or he just fell silent for a longer while. This situation started slowly driving Arthur crazy. He was desperate to see his friend just for a minute. He wanted to make sure that he was fine and that all others didn't lie to him.

"I need to see him," he said to Morgana one evening during the dinner.

"I know," the woman said quietly and smiled at him sadly. "However you know that you can't. That's for Merlin's own good. You need to be more patient."

Arthur looked at her defiantly. "I'm not sure I can," he said a little bit too harshly. "I already don't know what to do. All what I can think about is Merlin. I can't sleep, I can't fulfil my duties... Even now I'm forcing myself to eat this damn dinner." The king looked away. He didn't plan to share such things with anybody.

Morgana didn't know how to answer for such declarations. She could just sit and watch silently the man in front of her who looked know like a lost child.

"I fear I'll go crazy," Arthur admitted after a few minutes. "It all is so hard. I wish I could sit by his side and talk with him. I want to check if his skin is warm and not cold like ice. I miss his babbling and even though I know that he needs time to become cheerful again, I'm willing to wait for it by his side."

The woman was truly touched. She was aware that Arthur was feeling all those things. However she never suspected that he would share them with her. "For now you want to just see him, right?" she asked abruptly.

"Yes," startled Arthur answered.

"We can go to him at night when he's sleeping," she told him. "You won't touch him or say something, okay? You'll just watch."

The man nodded quickly. He couldn't have everything but it was quite much.

oOoOo

Morgana was first who came into the room. When she was sure that Merlin was sleeping, she let Arthur in.

His eyes sought the bed. He came closer and heard Merlin's slow breathing. At first it seemed that nothing changed and that the warlock was still in a coma. However soon he discovered that Merlin's breath was slightly different.

Arthur sat on a chair as silently as he could and watch Merlin for a few minutes. Morgana noticed his loving gaze and trembling lips. He was truly touched.

The sorceress wished that Merlin could see that. Then he would understand that there was nothing to be afraid of. She sighed lightly. Men were made to make things difficult and complicated.

oOoOo

Two days had passed since Arthur's night trip to Merlin's quarter. He was glad that he had seen him but it started to be not enough for him. He wanted more and waited for some change in Merlin's behaviour. The sorcerer, however, was still as stubborn and withdrawn as at the beginning.

"I want to hear his voice," Arthur said, coming into Morgana's chambers.

The woman, of course, didn't need any explanation. She knew that he was talking about Merlin and that he really desired it. "He's not ready for confrontation," Morgana told him.

"I'm not asking about conversation," Arthur assured her.

"Then what do you expect?" she asked him.

The king smiled shyly. "I thought that you would go to talk to him and by accident you'd leave the door ajar. Then I would hear his voice."

"You want to overhear," Morgana concluded.

"It's not like that," Arthur assured her. "I just want to hear him. I don't care what you're going to talk about. Just his voice..."

Morgana smiled at him. "Okay, Arthur. I can do that."

The man couldn't help hugging her. In those hard times he fully understood what a wonderful woman she was.

oOoOo

Arthur stood in the corridor with closed eyes. He prayed for something but he didn't really know for what. Although hearing Merlin's voice wouldn't be enough for the king soon, he didn't care. Deep inside Arthur hoped that something unexpected would happen this day.

In meantime Morgana sat at the edge of Merlin's bed and smiled comfortingly at him. "How are you feeling?" she asked the dark haired man softly. Physically the warlock looked better but she knew that his psychical condition left much to be desired.

"I'm fine," Merlin lied. He didn't even try to sound convincing.

The woman stroked his hand. "I don't think so."

"What do you want?" the sorcerer asked harshly.

"I want you to talk to me," she said quietly. "It's not that much, isn't it?"

Merlin didn't answer. He remained silent for a long while and Arthur started fearing that his efforts were in vain. Merlin wasn't in mood and the king couldn't even blame him. The warlock didn't have an easy life.

"You keep on clamming up. You cannot live this way," Morgana warned him. "It's not real life."

"Maybe I don't seek real life," Merlin spat it out.

"What do you mean by it?" The sorceress tried to stay as calm as she could.

The dark haired man laughed nervously. "You want to hear why I don't want to see _him_," he said silently. Arthur's heart skipped a bit when he heard as Merlin started talking about him. "Everybody does. Leon tried... Lancelot... even Gwen... You don't ask me the question but I can feel it in the air. I can even see it in your eyes."

"We're all worried about you," Morgana told him. "Including Arthur. You can talk to everybody but him. Believe me that it makes him suffer. Do you want Arthur to suffer?"

The blonde was all ears. Every cell of his body was waiting for Merlin's answer.

"No," the warlock whispered. "Of course not."

"Then why do you avoid him?" the woman asked softly. "I know that deep inside you want to see him too."

"Because that's better." Merlin's voice was trembling.

"For who?" Morgana wanted to look at his face intently but he turned away from her.

"For him," the warlock answered after a while.

"Why do you think so?" She didn't know if her questions could help but she kept asking them anyway. It could be the only chance in a long time to hear some helpful answers.

"Can't you see it?" Suddenly Merlin raised his voice. "Can't you see who I am? I'm a monster! I don't want him to look at me and realise it..." He shook his head. "That's better. I'll go away. In Camelot there's no place for such people... such monsters as me."

Arthur was too shocked to do something at first. He could not believe that Merlin considered himself a monster. It was simply preposterous.

He couldn't stay behind the door any longer and pretend that he didn't hear anything. He walked into the room knowing that it wasn't selfish. Merlin needed him and he needed Merlin. It was mutual.

The dark haired man was sobbing in the bed and it was one of the saddest thing that Arthur had ever seen. "Stop... Stop saying that!" In a few seconds he was by his friend's side. He wasn't noticing Morgana. In that moment Merlin was his whole world.

"Arthur... I..." The warlock wanted to push him away but he was too weak and too fidgety.

"You're not a monster," Arthur assured him before he could repeated the ridiculous phrase. "You're not," he whispered time after time, caressing Merlin's face. "And even if you are, I'm one too."

The warlock dared to look at his love. He feared to see a glint of mockery in Arthur's eyes but all what he saw there was kindness and emotion.

Morgana felt that everything was going to be all right so she left the room, giving them chance to talk. They had lots of things to explain. On the contrary explaining could wait a while. Nevertheless the boys needed some time in private.

"Merlin," Arthur whispered, resting their foreheads against each other. "I thought I lost you and it... it was madness. I..." He wanted to kiss him but Merlin moved away slightly.

"Stop," the warlock said pleadingly. Arthur's closeness felt wonderful but he knew that it couldn't last. He thought that he had already lost _his_ king.

"You don't want it?" the blonde asked in disbelief. "I thought... Morgana told me..."

"I do," Merlin whispered weakly. "But I don't want a false hope."

"There's no false hope. I lo..." The warlock put his palm against Arthur's mouth.

"Please, don't say it." Merlin was dying to hear these words but he could not let himself. "It can never be. Your wife..."

"I don't have a wife!" The king cried. "I know that Miranda was the one who did it to you... to us... Do you really think I would marry her after this all?" He sighed. "Was it all about this? You didn't want to see me because of her? She... she's not in Camelot any longer. You'll never see her again."

Merlin didn't know what to say. He couldn't believe that Arthur did it for him and that he wanted the same things.

"Don't look at me like a frightened child," Arthur asked him. "I won't hurt you. Not any more."

"I know," Merlin whispered and smiled shyly at the other man.

Their lips found the way to each other and finally met. It was a sweet and chaste kiss but it was in the same time the most wonderful thing that they both ever experienced. None of them was willing to let go. It was clear that they had been waiting for this moment way too long.

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**Finally, right? ^^ I need to tell you that one chapter is yet to come.**

**Please, review!  
**


	15. Solutions

**Author: LadyFromPoland**

**Disclaimer: I don't own "Merlin". It is a TV show which belongs to BBC.**

**Warning: SLASH  
**

**English is not my mother language.**

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**I'm sorry that you had to wait for the last chapter so long. I really am! There are plenty of reasons why I didn't update sooner. However they are two major ones. One of them is very simple - I didn't want to say goodbye to this story. It was such a pleasure to write it! The other reason is worse. I watched "Sherlock" by BBC and became addicted to this tv show (blame my friend who kept on saying: "Come on! You have to watch it! You'll love it"). Nevertheless I am really sorry. Now just enjoy the last chapter of the story!  
**

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_**Dearest to his heart**_

**Chapter 15**

"**Solutions"**

Arthur was looking for Merlin. He checked the dark haired man's chamber, Nicholas' quarter, kitchen and some other places. Although the king knew that Merlin was fine and he wouldn't try to kill himself, he couldn't chase away a slight fear. It was stronger than his common sense. He had this strange feeling every time when he didn't now where Merlin was or what he was doing. It seemed quite paranoiac but Arthur needed more time to become less protective.

Not knowing where to go, he decided to go to his own chamber. Arthur felt a warmth in his heart when he found Merlin there. The sorcerer was watching through the window and didn't even notice his king's presence. In these days Merlin was more pensive than he used to be but Arthur knew that the past events couldn't be completely erased. He understood that it was the warlock's way of dealing with all what had happened.

"I've been looking for you," Arthur said softly. "And you've been in my chamber all this time." He sighed shaking his head.

Merlin remained silent but the king knew that the warlock heard him very well. There was something in Merlin's posture what was telling Arthur that he was listening very carefully.

"Merlin?" The king touched the other man's shoulder gently. "Why aren't you looking at me?"

The warlock turned around and faced his king. "I... it doesn't matter."

Arthur saw that he was about to leave so he stopped him. "It does to me," the blonde said firmly. "And you know it very well."

"It's silly. I don't know what I've been thinking..." He sighed. "Please, let's leave it at peace." He glanced at Arthur pleadingly. "Besides I really should come back to my chamber. It's..."

"You avoid me when it's getting late," the king pointed out. "I thought that it was just my paranoia but now I can see that it's not."

Merlin looked down, too ashamed to look Arthur in the eye.

"You can stay here, Merlin," the blonde said softly. "You don't have to come back to your chamber."

The sorcerer still avoided eye contact and it made the king wonder.

"That's why you've come here," Arthur said as the realisation came to him. "That's why you feel ashamed now. You want to stay." The fair haired man sighed. "I thought you knew you could."

Arthur wrapped his arms around thin body of his dearest friend. He kissed Merlin's neck tenderly, wanting him to relax. It took Arthur a while but finally the sorcerer started responding to his gestures.

"Stay here with me," the blonde whispered into Merlin's ear and despite some doubts he couldn't say no because he really wanted that.

Kissing more and more passionately, they found the way to the king's bed. Arthur pushed Merlin lightly on the silken shits and very soon joined him on the bed. Then kisses became more tender and careful. This night was meant to be theirs so they both wanted to make it slow enough to remember as many details as it was possible.

Arthur's hand slid under Merlin's shirt and started massaging warlock's tensed stomach. The sorcerer couldn't really complain because it felt wonderful. His pale skin was on fire but he didn't want to put it out. Their feelings were the fire so it couldn't harm them. It was all safe, beautiful and natural. Arthur's fingers belonged to Merlin's skin. They just fit there.

The dark haired man had been a servant of the blonde for years but this time Arthur was the one who was fulfilling servant-like duties, taking off Merlin's shirt slowly. The king remembered very well the times when the warlock helped him in putting his armour on and taking it off. These moments were always strange but in a good way. Just now Arthur realised why. The touch of Merlin's a bit clumsy fingers was something what had been tempting for a very long time. In the past he had just chased the possibility away.

After a while they both were shirtless. However the atmosphere around them was far from cold. Their hands, their fingers and their skins touched but the feeling that they shared was the thing which warmed them up the most.

"Arthur..." Merlin moaned when his lover's lips reached his nipples. It was a very new and very pleasant sensation that he didn't want to stop feeling. His hands found the way to Arthur's hair and he pulled him closer. It gave him some sort of control.

Arthur kissed the way down Merlin's chest, paying a longer attention to his navel.

Then the king looked up at the warlock who won his heart without any magic tricks. Arthur didn't have to say anything. His blue eyes were asking for permission.

Merlin could only nod. He was too excited about what was going to happen to give some sensible answer.

Arthur saw that his dear friend was a bit tensed. The truth was that the king himself was a bit scared. He had never been in such a close and intimate relation with anybody. He knew that Merlin was going to see now the most vulnerable part of him. However if there was a person in the world to which he would show his naked soul, it was Merlin.

The sorcerer's breeches were slowly removed by Arthur's skilful hands. Now the king could freely watch Merlin's underwear or rather a bulge which just formed there.

Arthur wanted to tear off that last piece of Merlin's clothes. He wanted to admire his naked body and his beautiful soul while making love to him.

"Can I...?" Merlin whispered, touching his breeches.

Arthur placed a soft kiss on the warlock's lips as an answer.

Very soon their underwears followed the breeches, landing on the floor next to Arthur's bed.

These two men were lying on a king-size bed, touching each other tenderly. There was nothing to rush now. They were naked and close to each other. They were in Arthur's bedroom where no one could disturb them. It was perfect time and perfect situation.

For a while they were just watching one another, caressing each other's arms. Merlin was quite nervous so it was Arthur's priority to calm him down. He wanted the warlock to feel comfortable and enjoy it as much as he himself was going to.

When the king thought that the other man was calm enough, he decided to take a further step and he moved his hand towards Merlin's cock.

The dark haired man gasped for air. "Arthur..." he whispered pleadingly and clung to the larger body.

The blonde kissed Merlin, keeping on stroking his shaft. The warlock thought that he was going to explode in a minute. He didn't want to ruin such a wonderful moment but he wasn't sure if stopping this temptation was possible. Coming then and there seemed to be so simple and so natural. Nevertheless he decided to fight. Merlin didn't want to disappoint Arthur in any case.

Luckily the king understood in time that it was too quickly for his dear friend. "I'm sorry," he said quietly and slowed his moves down.

Merlin blushed. He didn't want Arthur to feel sorry either. "That's nothing..." he assured his king. "It's just... I..."

"Don't explain it," the fair haired man said. "I do understand." He smiled to comfort his warlock. "But I need to ask you a question. Do you want to do it now? I won't feel offended if..."

"I do want," Merlin assured him. "I do want you and this." He swallowed hard. "I want it now. I've been waiting long enough."

This time they were touching each other with equal effort. They kissed and touched each other, stroked one another's cocks and simply were very close. It took them a longer while to come to the most important point but eventually Merlin was lying under Arthur's sweaty body. The blonde was preparing Merlin as tenderly as he could. However it had to be painful. It was quite known that pain came before bliss.

Finally Arthur replaced the fingers with his cock. It was more difficult than any of them had thought but in a minute they found out that it was worth their efforts.

Arthur was moving slowly, trying to give all his love to Merlin. They kissed a bit but most of the time they were just looking at each other. But it was perfect. All of the new sensations led them to the brink. It was really impossible to prolong it longer so Merlin let go and came. A few seconds later Arthur followed him.

They lay in each other's arms. They were silent but it was a very comfortable silence. Merlin breathed Arthur's scent and let himself think about nothing but his lover.

It didn't take them long to fall asleep. This evening was special but also very tiring.

oOoOo

Before Arthur opened his eyes he felt that something was wrong. He remembered very well the previous evening and he was pretty sure that Merlin fell asleep in his arms. However lack of other body was undeniable.

The king looked up and saw him. The warlock was dressing himself definitely in rush.

"Merlin?" Arthur asked, startled.

The dark haired man turned around. It was clear that he didn't intend to wake the king up.

"What are you doing?" the blonde asked. "Come back to bed."

Merlin sighed heavily. "Last night... it was amazing..."

"I think so too," Arthur assured him quickly.

"I know but... I want you to know that I will never forget it. For the last two weeks I thought that _we_ could make sense. It was so easy to believe..." Even in darkness his sad smile was visible. "But you're the king, Arthur. I love you and I always will but you need an heir. I cannot give you one."

"I'm not stupid, Merlin," Arthur said firmly. "I know that even your magic can't help in producing an heir. But I don't care!"

"You should," the sorcerer said, shaking his head. "People will wait for the prince." Merlin looked at his king softly. "I promise that I won't leave you. I'll stand by your side until the day I die..." His voice cracked. "But I can't be more than your friend and advisor. Please, don't make it more difficult."

"Merlin," Arthur whispered, getting up. He walked up to the other man and looked him in the eye. "I will not marry a woman, no matter what you do. I won't fool any woman and I won't fool myself." He hugged Merlin tenderly. "I had pretended long enough."

"But people..." the warlock started but Arthur did not let him finish.

"No _but_'s, Merlin," he asked him. "I've already made up my mind. I'm not going to change my decision." The blonde stroked his lover's hair. "I've understood that unhappy king will not be a good one. Do you agree with me?"

Merlin nodded slowly. He knew that it was true but there was still so many other doubts.

"Don't bother an heir. There is one solution," Arthur said softly.

The sorcerer lifted his head up and looked at the other man intently. "What is it?" he asked.

"Let's come back to the bed and I'll explain everything to you." The blonde took Merlin's hand and led him towards the silken shits. Everything was going to be fine.

oOoOo

"You wanted to see us, Sire," Lancelot said quietly. He and his wife were in the Throne Room. Except them there were three other persons in the chamber.

Arthur was sitting on his throne and Merlin was standing by his side, squeezing his arm. It was clear that he was quite nervous. There was also Morgana but she was watching them from other side of the room. The theme of the conversation didn't concern her but she still was complicit in the whole situation.

"Yes," the blonde confirmed. "But please, don't call me _Sire_."

"Of course," Lancelot said, nodding.

"I..." He glanced at Merlin and smiled. "We have a request for both of you. That concerns the future of this kingdom."

Gwen and Lancelot looked at each other. None of them had any idea what they both could do. It was true that Lancelot was a knight and he would fight for Camelot until his last breath but Guinevere was just his wife. She couldn't fight or anything like that. The whole idea seemed to be just ridiculous.

"I don't understand," Gwen admitted shyly. After a few years she still wasn't sure how she should treat the king. After all, they had once dreamt about the joint future. That uncertainty made her quite timid.

Arthur stood up slowly and he walked up to them. Merlin followed him immediately. They started behaving as if they were unity. In some sense it was true.

"The kingdom needs an heir to the throne. However I'm not going to marry some princess... I can't." He looked at Merlin. Their eyes shone with such an affection that the blind man could see that. "I won't do this to Merlin. Nor to myself."

Lancelot and Gwen understood Arthur's motives but they still didn't know how they could help.

"It's about Dominic." Merlin spoke up for the first time.

"Dominic?" Guinevere blinked a few times. "What's about him?"

"We would like to declare him my heir," the fair haired man said in a trembling voice.

"What?" Both the knight and his wife asked. It was the last thing that they had ever been expecting.

"He's a perfect candidate," Arthur assured them quickly. "He's still a baby so we would start preparing him in the right moment. Besides I know both of you. You, Lancelot, are one of my best and the bravest knights. And you, Guinevere, have a very kind and fair heart. I'm sure that he's going to be just like you two." The blonde smiled. "Brave and strong but still good and fair. These features make the best king, don't they?"

None of them knew what to say. For Arthur it seemed so easy. However for them it would be a total change of their lives.

"We're really flattered but..." Lancelot glanced at his wife. "I'm not sure if it's going to work. What will people say? After all nor me or Gwen were born in a noble family."

"But you are nobler than most of these good-born people," Merlin told them. "Your heart are noble and that is more important than empty titles."

Gwen took a deep breath and looked intently at her husband. Lancelot looked her in the eye and finally they both nodded.

"Do you agree?" Arthur asked them.

"Yes," the knight said in a trembling voice. "It's an honour."

Morgana smiled to herself. Everything was going to be fine thanks to her brilliant idea. She was sure that without her help, Merlin and Arthur would never find such an easy solution.

_The End_

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**I would appreciate the last review. I know that I updated after such a long time but it would be really nice to hear what you think. :)**_  
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